Dear Queenie,
My parents were very strict with me when I was in high school. I had a strict curfew, couldn’t date anyone unless my parents met him and approved of him, and I couldn’t drink.
My husband’s parents let him stay out all night, drink until he got drunk and even do drugs.
Now my husband says when we have children the girl(s) will be raised like I was, but the boy(s) will be raised like him.
He says he turned out okay, but I say a lot of bad things could have happened to him.
Queenie, how do I tell him this without saying how stupid his parents were?—Worried mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
Your husband’s attitude goes against all good advice on parenting. All children, boys and girls alike, need discipline and fair restrictions.
If your husband will not listen to you, get counselling from a paediatrician and/or a good child psychologist – preferably before you have any children.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s best friend is starting to care for me too, I mean in a romantic way. My husband is angry about this and the friend is jealous, and angry too.
Queenie, is there any way I can save their friendship?—Caught in the middle
Dear Caught,
You can make it clear to both your husband and his friend that you have no romantic interest in the friend. You may have to keep entirely away from the friend, at least until this situation is resolved.
However, if your husband is upset because he does not trust you, you have another problem, for which professional counselling for the two of you might help.
Dear Queenie,
My older sister has always been jealous of me because she thinks I was the favorite child because I was the youngest.
When she had her first child she didn’t want me there, only my mother, and even after they were at home she kept making excuses why I couldn’t come and visit and see my new niece.
Now the baby is a year old and she has invited me to her birthday party, but I think that is just because it will be a family get-together and it would look funny if I wasn’t there.
Queenie, should I go?—Kid sister
Dear Sister,
By all means, go, and try to enjoy yourself. You will know from your sister’s behaviour how things will be between the two of you from now on, but at least you can enjoy being with the rest of your family for the occasion.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s ex-wife won’t let their children come to our house to see him, so he has to go to their house for visitation. He goes 3 times a week, which leaves me and our children alone. And when there is a family event she will be there with their children, so I can’t go because she will make a fuss about it,.
Queenie, I try to be understanding, but is there anything else I can do?—Resentful
Dear Resentful,
Your husband does not want to lose touch with his older children, so he puts up with his ex-wife’s behaviour.
However, the older children should have a chance to get to know you and their half-siblings and it is up to your husband to make that happen.
Get professional counselling, preferably with your husband if you can persuade him to go with you, to learn how to deal with his ex-wife and the situation she has created.
Dear Queenie,
My sister, who is in her 30s, got beat up by a bunch of schoolmates when she was in high school and has had mental problems ever since, but our parents won’t do anything about it, like get her into counselling.
She lives with them and they support her and do everything for her. They even make little of how successful I am (I graduated college and have a good job and support myself) because they don’t want to make my sister feel bad.
I feel sorry for her, but I wish they would think about my feelings once in a while.
Queenie, how do I make them understand?—Younger brother
Dear Brother,
You can tell them how you feel, suggest psychological counselling for your sister and hope they will listen to what you say, but beyond that there really is not much you can do.
I hope you have found friends, and possibly a girlfriend or wife, to whom you can turn for the sympathy and support you do not get from your parents.
