Dear Queenie,
My brother and I have never been able to get along with each other and whenever we are in the same room with each other it gets to be an argument. I would like to at least be able to visit my parents and have a family get-together but it always turns unpleasant.
I have children and I wouldn’t like it if things were this way between them.
Queenie, is there any way to fix this?—Brotherly unlove
Dear Brotherly unlove,
Professional counselling might help you and your brother work out your differences, or learn to be at least civil to each other. But if you cannot get him to go, or if counselling does not work out, I am sure your parents would prefer to have the two of you visit them separately.
Dear Queenie,
I am dating a man in his 50s who has a great sense of humor, is very good to me and is a good handyman.
However, I don’t know who his friends are because he says I wouldn’t like them because they drink and use dope. He has a bad temper and gets into loud arguments with people who disagree with him. Also, he doesn’t have a regular job. He lives with his parents and works part-time here and there and helps his parents around their house and in their business.
I would like to get married, but none of my family think he is right for me and he says he isn’t ready because he doesn’t know me well enough.
I love him and he says he loves me but he isn’t ready for marriage because he doesn’t know me well enough.
Queenie, should I stick with him until he is ready?—Ready for marriage
Dear Ready,
Why on earth would you want to make a lifetime commitment to a bad-tempered 50+-year-old man who still lives with his parents because he doesn’t earn enough to support himself and who apparently likes to hang out with drinkers and dopers? There are worse things than being alone!
And you are still free to look for someone else who would make a good life-partner.
Dear Queenie,
My husband hasn’t had sex with me for many years. He says it’s a physical problem but I have seen him getting excited while he watches porn on a computer so I know he’s lying.
He also claims not to be attracted to me anymore since we had children, but I know other men find me attractive because sometimes they hit on me at the store or the park, but I always turn them down. I have never been unfaithful to my husband no matter how bad he treats me.
I finally moved out of the house, but he told everyone, especially my family and our children and the pastor and members of our church that it was because I was having an affair and he could not live without me, so they all got after me to go back to him and threatened to not have anything to do with me anymore and to have me thrown out of the church congregation, so I moved back in.
I don’t want to ruin his reputation, I just want to get away from him.
Queenie, what can I do?—Abused wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband is counting on you not to defend yourself from his bullying and his lies. Stop worrying about saving his reputation and start thinking about protecting your own. Tell everyone the truth about your situation and ask for their help in dealing with your husband and his lies.
Get professional counselling for help in learning to deal with him, through your church or from someone your doctor recommends.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is godfather to his brother’s children. One time at a family dinner the wife was very affectionate toward my boyfriend and he told me later that he had had sex with her one time before she married his brother, but just that once.
He says he loves me and wants us to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, but I can’t get over the fact that he is still friendly with this woman and she makes it obvious that she has feelings for him even though she is married to someone else.
Queenie, what do you think?—Confused girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend has been honest with you and not tried to hide anything about this woman, but as he is her children’s godfather he will always be in contact with her.
Pre-marital counselling would help you decide whether you think you can trust him and, if so, help you find ways to deal with her. If you can get your boyfriend to go with you, so much the better.
Dear Queenie,
My sister-in-law has a habit of making critical comments when she visits us. If she doesn’t like the food we serve she will say it tastes spoiled, or she will complain that the floor is sticky and needs to be washed.
Queenie, how do I deal with her without starting a fight?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
By being as sweet and pleasant to her as you can. However, if she complains about the food, feel free to offer to let her do the cooking – and buy the ingredients, if necessary. And if she complains about a dirty floor, thank her for noticing and hand her a mop.
