Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for 11 years now. We have a four-year-old son and he’s so adorable at times.
But the problem is the romance part is missing from our lives. I feel it a lot, but not my husband. Life has changed a lot since our son was born. It has never felt like the first few months when we were newly married. It all felt like a dream at that time.
But now it seems we’ve become old and I have so many responsibilities that romance is nowhere in our lives. Plus the child takes up so much of our time that it is out of the question. He talks a lot whenever we are together and also needs a lot of attention.
What could help in such a case? Gone forever are the good old days. Romance is nowhere in sight. I really miss the intimacy in our relationship.
Also I feel my husband does not balance the time spent with his son and his wife. I feel very left out at times. He gives too much time to our son and, of course, the rest of the time he is at work. Whatever time we have at home is taken up either by the child, the TV or his PC, so what time is left for me?
And by the way, where is the Women’s Desk located? The exact address.
Thank you, Queenie.—Sad and lonely
Dear Sad and lonely,
Romance often seems to go out the window when the children come along, but usually it’s the mother who is worn out and the father who is jealous of the baby. It takes some effort from both parties to keep it alive, but it can be done.
Have you talked this over with your husband? Maybe he thinks you are too tired for romance and the TV and PC are his way of “giving you some space.”
If that’s not the case, a little seductive effort on your part might help. Get out your sexiest negligee, schedule a sleepover for your son with the grandparents or other relatives, or friends with children around the same age, turn down the lights and go to work on your husband.
The Women’s Desk is located at Front Street #141.
Dear Queenie,
I have been taking anti-depressant medications for the last 4-5 months. One of the side effects of that is less urge for sex or very low libido. But I love to have sex and still sometimes feel the need for it and have sexual cravings too.
But the problem is we have sex orally and rarely any intercourse. In the past, I used to get an orgasm even with oral sex. But since I’ve been on this medication, I cannot get an orgasm and it’s been months now. In the beginning I didn’t miss it much and actually was too busy to even think about it. But now lately the craving has started.
Also, my husband and I have sex in the same monotonous way ever since I can remember. I feel maybe if we had intercourse it might help, but the problem is he comes too soon and then I am still left unsatisfied and I feel it’s not fair. I have a right to enjoy my sexual life and it also helps to vent out frustrations of life and after I get an orgasm I can even get a very good sleep.
My husband does not have much desire for sex. He can do without it for days and almost a month. But I am the opposite. I need it and if I don’t get it I feel something is missing in my life and I am not happy.
Queenie, please could you suggest what could help in such a situation?—Getting desperate
Dear Getting desperate,
Have you talked this problem over with your doctor? Possibly an adjustment in your medication – different medication or dosage – might help.
Also, your frustration and your depression may be linked, each contributing to the other. Psychological counselling might help if that is the case. They say the most important sexual organ is the brain.
You should also talk this over with your husband. If he understood your problem better, he would probably be more helpful and would probably enjoy doing so even if he doesn’t need sex as much as you do.
Finally, a trip to the adult toy store might give you some ideas.
Nitey night, sleep tight, and don’t let the bedbugs bite (but your husband is okay!).
Dear Queenie,
I have a boyfriend and he is a game freak. All he does is play games like Game Cube and X Box and plenty more where that came from.
I’m getting very nervous and I’m planning on dumping him. Should I dump or stay with him?
Help me, Queenie!—Frustrated girlfriend
Dear Frustrated girlfriend,
From what you say, your boyfriend seems very immature and possibly addicted to computer games. If you can’t find a way to distract him from the games, at least be glad it isn’t porn he’s playing with, or another woman.
However, if your best efforts can’t seduce him away from the Game Boy, you might just as well dump him, at least until he grows up a little more.
Dear Queenie,
I would like to comment on your column about rude children. I would like for the writer to know that not all teenagers are rude. My children’s friends have always been very polite to me and my husband, always saying “hello,” “please” and “thank you.”
One time my daughter refused to go somewhere with me, saying that I can be rude sometimes and that embarrasses her very much. I absolutely did not know that I was rude sometimes. I thought I was just a blunt and forward person. Nothing wrong with that, I thought.
I was very wrong. Not only did my daughter think I was rude, but her boyfriend (they both were 20 years old) thought the same thing.
So you see, Queenie, adults can be very rude and impolite too, knowingly or unknowingly. That may and most of the time does reflect on our children too. Thank you.—Ex-rude mother
Dear Ex-rude mother,
Of course not all teenagers are rude and/or thoughtless. And of course some adults can be very rude too.
To a great extent it depends on their parents; not only on how they tell their children to behave, but on the example they set for them.
And, as any good teacher will tell you, very often adults can learn from children, if they will take the trouble to listen to them.
Dear Queenie,
I am creating a birthday calendar of all my friends and family.
Queenie, can you please click on the link below to enter your birthday for me?—Faithful reader
Dear Faithful reader,
I am publishing your letter so that any other readers who may have been wondering will also see the answer.
I celebrate my birthday on February 29. That way I stay young, as I only grow one year older every four years.
Thanks for the thought.
