Dear Queenie,
I have a full-time job, a lot more than 40 hours a week, and recently I got pregnant. The father doesn’t have a job. I want him to be involved in raising our child, but only if he can pay child support.
Queenie, is that too much to ask?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
Yes. There is more to “support” than money. It also means helping to take care of the child and giving the mother emotional support. As long as the father is not addicted to alcohol or drugs and is not abusive or a criminal, his presence in the child’s life is good for both of them.
However, his financial support is also a positive aspect for both mother and child, so your baby-father should start looking for a job.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is just wonderful, but sometimes she annoys me and I get mad and say mean things to her. Also, I would like to move back to where we came from, but she likes it where we are now.
I love her, but I think being married is making both of us unhappy, but she doesn’t agree.
Queenie, should we split up?—Feeling trapped
Dear Feeling trapped,
I suggest a trial separation, to give both of you a chance to figure out whether you will be happier together or apart. And professional counselling, separately and together, would help both of you sort out your feelings about each other and your marriage. I wish you good luck.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s mother loves to go shopping and if she doesn’t need anything for herself she shops for gifts to give her grandchildren, not only for birthdays and Christmas, but all the time.
We live in a small house and we don’t have enough space for all the things she gives us.
Queenie, how can we get her to give us less?—Enough is enough
Dear Enough,
For some people, excessive shopping and/or gift-giving is a way to relieve anxiety or depression, or to buy love.
Thank your mother-in-law for her gifts and tell her you appreciate her thoughtfulness, but that you just do not have room for all the things she gives you, so you will donate the overflow to charity. Then do so.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and her boyfriend just got engaged and are planning their wedding. I would be more happy about this if I didn’t know that he cheated on her about a year ago and even though she knew about it she stuck with him, and now we find out that he is still keeping in touch with the girl he cheated with, but my sister still wants to marry him and tells me to mind my own business.
I think she is making a mistake and he will go on cheating on her.
Queenie, what should I say to her, or should I just keep quiet and pretend nothing wrong is going on?—Worried sister
Dear Sister,
Just keep quiet and accept your sister’s decision, but be prepared to stand by her and give her your support if – when – she needs it.
Dear Queenie,
After my mother-in-law died my father-in-law gave my wife a lot of her mother’s clothes. Now he expects her to wear something of her dead mother’s whenever he sees us and he gets vexed if she doesn’t.
Queenie, is this strange, or what?—Grossed-out husband
Dear Husband,
If your wife strongly resembles her late mother, it is possible that seeing her dressed in her mother’s clothes is somehow comforting to her bereaved father.
I see no harm in catering to your father-in-law’s preference when you see him in private, providing the clothes are in wearable condition (if they are not they should be disposed of).
However, I would draw the line at your wife wearing these hand-me-downs when you are with your father-in-law in public for fear that if someone recognised them and their source the kind of comment it might draw would be upsetting to him and/or your wife.
