Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I got engaged a while ago after we had been seeing each other for a couple of years, but up to now we haven’t set a wedding date or even talked about it.
My fiancé gave me a beautiful ring when he proposed, but I owe a lot of money on my credit cards and I don’t make enough to catch up, so I have been looking for a better job, but up to now I haven’t found one, and he says he won’t get married until I have good credit.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Getting desperate
Dear Getting desperate,
Your fiancé may want to be sure you are not just marrying him for the financial security he can give you, which is not unreasonable. Stop pressing him to set a wedding date until you have arranged to settle your debts. If he still will not set a date then, it will be time to think twice about your relationship.
Meanwhile, if you cannot find a better-paying job, think about finding a second, part-time job to boost your income.
And stop charging things on your credit cards and building up your debt.
Dear Queenie,
I have 2 sons and I’m not so young anymore. When I made my will I said everything was to be divided equally between them.
However, a while ago when I was talking to my younger son on the phone something I said made him angry and he scolded me for it and I hung up on him. I haven’t heard from him since then, not even when I was in the hospital for a big operation, and when I try to call him he doesn’t pick up the phone.
I am thinking of changing my will to cut him out if I don’t hear from him soon. If I ever hear from him again I can put him back in my will, but like I said, I’m not so young anymore.
Queenie, what do you say to all this?—Angry Dad
Dear Dad,
I think your son behaved badly, but you played your own part in this estrangement.
Have you considered apologising for whatever you said that angered your son, and for hanging up the phone on him? Perhaps, if you cannot get through to him, your other son or some other relative can act as intermediary and deliver your message.
Dear Queenie,
My son died in a traffic accident and in just a couple of months my daughter-in-law started seeing a new man. Then she got pregnant by him and she and her 2 very young children moved in with him. She even lets them call him “Daddy”.
What bothers most me about all this is that the man she is living with is still married and has children of his own. He could be the right man for her and is just going through a difficult divorce, but I don’t know anything about all that.
Queenie, what can I say to her, or should I just not say anything?—Grandmother in mourning
Dear Grandmother,
Although your daughter-in-law seems to be disrespecting your son’s/her husband’s memory, it could be that she is just afraid of living and raising two young children alone.
Do not say anything to her that might lead to an estrangement. Your grandchildren are going to need you to be there for them and to help them remember their father/your son.
Dear Queenie,
My husband belongs to a sports club that he says doesn’t allow wives to attend their games, but I have heard that other wives often go to their games.
Queenie, what do you think is going on here?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband clearly does not want you around when he is playing his sport. He may think having you there will affect his ability to play well, or his reason may not be so innocent. Tell him you would like to be there once to watch him play and then, if you trust him, drop the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is married to a man who won’t let her go out to visit her friends or family. He also won’t let her get a job because he says she has enough work to do taking care of the house and their children.
Queenie, is there something we can do about this or should we just not say anything?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
If her husband is keeping your daughter isolated from friends and family, that is a form of emotional abuse. Try to keep in touch with your daughter at least enough to let her know you are there for her if she needs you.
And you could also ask the people at Safe Haven (office tel. 9277, e-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., or Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten) for advice on how to help her.
