Dear Queenie,
A few months after we bought a new home my husband lost his job and we couldn’t keep up the payments. He was angry at me all the time and started seeing other women and when I found out he lied to me about it.
I love him, but I don’t trust him anymore.
Queenie, should I leave him?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
A good marriage must be based on mutual trust and concern for each other. Your husband cheats and lies and takes out his unhappiness by getting angry at you.
If you can persuade him to go with you for professional marriage counselling, there might be a chance to save your marriage, but if he will not go with you, go by yourself for help in deciding how and when to end it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is so far gone with Alzheimer’s that he doesn’t talk to anyone. All he does is stare around blankly without reacting to anything. He doesn’t even know who I am anymore.
Queenie, is it wrong for me to have a romantic relationship with another (unmarried) man?—Lonely wife
Dear Wife,
Technically, of course, you would be cheating on your husband – committing adultery if the relationship goes that far. However, your husband is incapable of functioning in that capacity and never will be again, and meanwhile you have your life to live.
As long as your husband is properly cared for, I cannot fault you for finding happiness wherever you can.
Dear Queenie,
Sometimes when I host a family get-together I also invite some close friends. Recently I found out that some of my family have been inviting these same friends for occasions that I am not included in.
Queenie, I’m glad that they are getting along so well, but shouldn’t they invite me too?—Left out
Dear Left out,
Probably your relatives and these friends have some common interest that you do not share with them, so they do not think you would wish to be included in related occasions. Spend whatever time you can with all of them, separately and/or together, and do not waste time or energy on feeling excluded when they get together without you.
Dear Queenie,
My sister went through a nasty divorce from her husband and our mother has done everything she can to protect their daughter from all the nastiness. Now the rest of the family have lost contact with the girl because she only goes to her grandmother for everything.
Queenie, do you think this is right?—Worried Aunt
Dear Aunt,
If your niece turns mostly to her grandmother because she finds it easy to talk to her and confide in her because Grandma is so understanding and comforting, I see no problem. However, if Grandma is deliberately keeping the girl away from the rest of the family, no, that is not right.
Do your best to see your niece whenever you can and let her know that you, too, are there for her if she needs you. But do not push the matter too hard, for fear of alienating her further.
Dear Queenie,
My adult stepson lives with us. He does not have a job so he can’t pay rent and he expects us to give him money to pay for everything he needs and wants. He won’t even try to get a job, but if we throw him out he will be living on the street.
Queenie, what can we do?—Fed-up step-parent
Dear Step-parent,
Your stepson will never learn (or be willing) to take responsibility for himself as long as he can rely on others to take care of him.
Insist that he go with you and your spouse for professional counselling to help the two of you learn how to teach him to grow up and fend for himself, and to insist that he do so – and to help him learn to stand on his own.
