Dear Queenie,
If several people go out to eat together at a restaurant and at the end of the meal only one of them wants to order dessert while the rest of them are ready to leave, is it rude for that one person to order dessert and keep the others waiting, or is it rude for them to force that person to go without dessert?—Restaurant Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is always rude to force one’s preferences on someone else.
The person who wants to order dessert should ask the others whether they mind waiting while he (or she) orders and eats. If they do mind, that person can then decide whether to go ahead, order and eat while the others leave without him/her, or to go without dessert and leave with the others.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who has a hard time deciding what to order when we go out for dinner at a restaurant. He gets into a long conversation with the waiter or waitress about all the things on the menu and then when the food arrives he always has some complaint about it.
Queenie, I don’t want to stop going out with him but what can I do?—Fed up, but not with the food
Dear Fed up,
These days many restaurants post their menus online, so you can have a look or download it before you go out and give your friend a chance to think about what he will want to order before you go out.
As for his complaints about the food when it arrives, talk to him about this behaviour before you go out, and ask him to tone it down as much as he can to spare you the embarrassment.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has been looking at porn on his computer for a long time and seems to be more interested in it than in having real sex with me. When I checked it out on the computer I saw that a lot of the stuff he has been watching is gay porn (men on men).
Queenie, is my husband actually gay?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband may simply be curious, or he may be bisexual, or he may have finally figured out that he is actually gay. You should have a frank – calm! – conversation with him about this.
If it is the latter, and you need help coping with the situation, you might find it online at www.straightspouse.org
Dear Queenie,
I have a beautiful ring my ex-husband gave me years ago that I would like to wear sometimes, but my husband now doesn’t like for me to wear it because of who gave it to me.
I tried to explain that to me it’s just a beautiful ring and there is no sentimental feeling in wearing it, but he still objects.
Queenie, how can I convince him?—Ring-wearer
Dear Ring-wearer,
Your current husband apparently does not like to be reminded that you were married for a long time to someone else.
Perhaps he would object less if you had the stones of the ring reset, or if you sold it and bought another equally beautiful piece of jewellery that would have no connection to your former spouse.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s son is getting married next year and his fiancée’s parents are planning the wedding. My husband’s ex-wife and her husband are inviting a lot of friends and relatives but we – the groom’s father and his wife – have not been asked if there is anyone we would like to invite and there are some people we would like to have come to the wedding.
Queenie, would it be okay for us to ask if we can invite a few people also?—Stepmother of the groom
Dear Stepmother,
Yes, it would be okay to ask, especially if you are helping to pay for the wedding. If you are not already contributing, you should offer to pay for the guests you want to invite.
