Dear Queenie,
There is something my boyfriend wants me to do when we have sex that I would find degrading. I understand that some people enjoy this sort of thing, but not me.
He doesn’t ask me for it anymore, but he still talks about it a lot.
I’m afraid if I don’t do what he wants it will make him think less of me, but if I do it I will think less of myself.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You should not have to do something in bed that does not give you pleasure, let alone makes you feel bad.
The next time your boyfriend starts talking about this particular sex act, change the subject to things you both enjoy doing in bed. Then suggest doing one of them.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever I see or smell someone eating a cough drop I think how rude it is to do that in public.
Queenie, maybe if you tell them they will pay attention!—Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
Eating a cough drop in public in itself is not rude. Some people have allergies that make them cough.
However, it is more than rude to go out in public if one is sick, especially these days. Even if what the person has is not COVID-19, they should stay at home with it.
Dear Queenie,
I’m all grown up and living on my own but I’m still afraid of the dark like when I was a kid. I always keep a light on, even when I’m sleeping, and when I have to go outside after dark I always carry a flashlight, but still it’s scary.
Queenie, what’s wrong with me?—Scaredy-cat
Dear Scaredy-cat,
This kind of irrational fear is called a phobia, and it almost certainly will take professional counselling to help you learn to deal with it and get over it. Ask your doctor to refer you to such a specialist.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend told me that her husband is constantly comparing her to me, about how good I am at everything I do, and one time when I messed up she laughed and said she would be sure to tell him about it so he wouldn’t think I was so perfect.
I thought we were good friends, but I’m not so sure now that I understand that she resents the way her husband talks about me, even though it’s not my fault.
Queenie, what do you think?—Offended friend
Dear Friend,
As long as your friend’s husband keeps comparing her to you, your friendship will suffer. You could ask him to stop doing so, but if he does not, you may have to forget about your friendship with his wife.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend grew up in a family that didn’t believe in celebrating holidays and special occasions like birthdays. He enjoys parties and such as long as they are not related to a holiday or anything like that.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to ask him to join me on certain occasions just for the fun of it without bothering about the possible meaning of it all?—Traditional girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You can ask him to do so, but do not be surprised if he will not. It would be like asking a fish to trade its scales for feathers.
If you cannot accept his attitude and live with it happily, look for someone who feels the same way you do about such matters.
