Dear Queenie,
My husband works a job that starts in the afternoon and he gets home from work about an hour before I go to bed. When he finally goes to bed he sleeps until it is almost time for him to get ready to go to work. Meanwhile, I am awake and have lots to do during the day, but not at night.
Queenie, I miss spending more time with my husband. What can I do?—Lonely wife
Dear Wife,
Can any of your daytime activities (housekeeping, for example) take place at night when your husband can share them with you? Can you re-schedule your sleep habits to match your husband’s more closely?
If not, you will have to decide whether you want to continue under the present circumstances, and if not, what you want to do about it.
Professional counselling might help you make those decisions, and if you can get your husband to go with you for it (and if he is able to go, given his work schedule) so much the better.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter goes to college in the United States and we pay all her expenses. We were planning a trip to her college town to find her a new apartment, but her boyfriend and his family invited her to go on a cruise with them that same week and she decided to go with them instead.
This seems disrespectful to us as her family, both by her and her boyfriend and his family, and we haven’t talked to her much since she went back to school.
Queenie, how should we handle this?—Angry parents
Dear Parents,
It is not clear from your letter whether you went ahead and found your daughter a new apartment without her, or just left her to live in her old lodgings.
Either way, I think you should let your daughter make her own living arrangements from now on – and start paying for them herself, which probably will mean that she will need to find at least a part-time job in addition to her schooling.
However, if she wants to have an adult’s freedom to make her own decisions, she must also learn to take on adult responsibilities.
Dear Queenie,
Some time ago my son had some financial problems and borrowed a couple of thousand dollars from me. He promised to pay me back as soon as he could, but up to now he hasn’t paid anything on the loan.
Now he is getting married and as a wedding gift I told him I would cancel the loan and he didn’t have to pay me anything. I thought that was a generous gift, but my son got mad at me for being stingy.
I’m not that well-off and I could really use the money he borrowed, and now it’s obvious that he never intended to pay me back.
Queenie, what do you think of all this?—Not-rich Mother
Dear Mother,
I think you are being generous, not stingy, and your son should be grateful, not rude, about your choice of wedding gift.
Dear Queenie,
Someone in my family wrote a letter to the editor that was published in our local paper that completely goes against what I believe. One thing I believe in is “freedom of speech”, but I think this was a deliberate attempt to insult me and I want an apology.
Queenie, what do you think?—Offended
Dear Offended,
I think the letter to the editor was a public expression of opinion not aimed at you. If the letter-writer did not specifically refer to you in the letter as disagreeing with them, I think you should ignore it and not feel insulted.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has one child, a son, who is completely spoiled. They let him do whatever he wants and they never say “no” to him. As a result he does whatever he wants whenever he wants and makes things miserable for anyone who happens to be around him.
My children are older and were raised with proper discipline, so I never had this problem.
This mother is a good friend of mine and I don’t want to insult her or her child, but I know how much trouble this kid can get into as he gets older.
Queenie, should I say something to her?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
If your friend ever says anything to you about being worried about her son’s behaviour or some trouble he has gotten into because of it, you can sympathise with her and tell her how you handled (or prevented) such matters when your children were her son’s age. You can also tell her that child experts say that all children need – and actually want! – discipline and appropriate boundaries.
