Dear Queenie,
I went back to school after my children were all grown up and out on their own and I got a degree in a field that always interested me and that I can get a good job in. I posed for photos with the rest of my graduating class and bought a class ring but my best friend says I’m too old for that kind of foolishness.
Queenie, is she right?—Middle-aged graduate
Dear Graduate,
An accomplishment like yours should be celebrated in any (non-destructive) way that makes you happy. Your best friend should be congratulating you, not trying to make you feel foolish.
And you have my congratulations, for what they are worth to you.
Dear Queenie,
If someone gets sick at a party and the host or one of the other guests is a doctor, is it okay for that doctor to tend to the sick person?—Medical Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
If the illness is life-threatening, like a stroke or a heart attack, someone should call 911 and until help arrives the doctor-guest can try to help the victim.
However, in case of a minor matter, the victim should try to call their own doctor, who will be familiar with their medical history. Of course, if the doctor present is the victim’s own doctor, the question does not arise.
Dear Queenie,
The elderly man who lives next door to me has a habit of sunbathing nude in his backyard. His wife died recently and he didn’t ever do this while she was alive so I guess she wouldn’t let him, but now that she is gone there is no one to stop him from doing it. I guess he thinks nobody can see him (and I wish I couldn’t) or maybe he’s getting senile and needs someone to look after him,
Queenie, should I try to do something about it or just not look?—Offended neighbour
Dear Neighbour,
You could put an anonymous note in your neighbour’s mailbox, but if your house is the only one from which he can be seen sunbathing, he will know it comes from you.
If he has any relatives you know you could mention it to them and suggest they take action before he gets in legal trouble or, if this is a symptom of dementia, before his condition gets worse. If you do not know any relatives of his, you could mention it to an appropriate community organisation like the Red Cross, or in St. Maarten the White Yellow Cross Care Foundation for them to look into the matter.
Meanwhile, put curtains or a shade over the window(s) from which you can see him and just do not look toward his yard.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever my husband goes shopping with me he winks and smiles at all the pretty women. He tries to claim he doesn’t do it, unless I say something to him when he is actually doing it.
Queenie, I find this is disrespectful to me as well as these other women. What do you say?—Offended wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband may think this is a way of being friendly, or he may be trying to prove to himself that he is still attractive to women. As long as it goes no further than a smile and a wink, and as long as those women are not offended by his attention, I say it is not worth getting upset about.
Dear Queenie,
My husband was much older than I am. His children used to introduce me to people as “Dad’s wife” because I am only a few years older than they are.
Now that he has passed away they do not know how to refer to me. “Stepmother” does not seem right because we are so close to the same age.
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—His widow
Dear Widow,
My condolences on your loss.
They could refer to you as “Dad’s widow” or “my late father’s wife” or simply by your name, with explanations about the relationship coming later.
