Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is always asking to borrow money, but doesn’t pay it back unless I ask her for it, which I don’t like to do, but I don’t like to say “no” to her when she needs my help.
Queenie, what do you have to say about all this?—Not made of money
Dear Not made of money,
Are you certain your friend needs help, or does she just think you are a soft touch?
When she asks for a loan, tell her you are sorry, but you are short of cash yourself, and ask if there is any other way you can help her.
And do not feel embarrassed to ask for her help if/when you need it. Turn about is fair play.
Dear Queenie,
A long time ago I told my husband he didn’t need to give me a gift on my birthday because I knew how much he didn’t like trying to figure out what I might like to get. I didn’t mean he should forget my birthday entirely but that’s what he has done. At least he should remember to say “Happy birthday” and maybe take me out to dinner.
I always remember his birthday, not with a gift but with a special dinner and a birthday cake.
Queenie, am I asking too much of him?—Insulted wife
Dear Wife,
No, you are not asking too much, but it is possible your husband misunderstood what you told him so long ago.
From now on, remind him well in advance that your birthday is coming up and tell him how you would like to celebrate. Tell him you do not like surprises and keep asking him how he is planning to celebrate with you. If that does not do the trick, make your own arrangements to celebrate at your favourite restaurant, and when they bring the bill hand it to him.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years, married for about half that time. I cheated on her once and she found out about it. She decided to stay with me, and I never cheated again, but now she checks my phone and my computer all the time and won’t let me go anywhere alone except to work and even there she is constantly checking up on me. She makes me feel like some sort of prisoner, not her husband.
Queenie, do you think that is right?—Now-faithful husband
Dear Husband,
No, it is not right, but your wife does not trust you because you broke the trust she once had in you. However, treating you like a prisoner will not renew her trust in you.
Professional counselling together might help the two of you work through these matters. And if your wife will not go with you, go by yourself to get help deciding what you want your future to be like and how to make it so.
Dear Queenie,
A relative gave me a lottery ticket for my birthday and it turned out I won a prize with it. Now that relative expects me to share my winnings with them.
Queenie, do I have to give them some of the money?—Lucky winner
Dear Winner,
A gift belongs to the recipient to do with it as they please.
You are under no obligation to share your winnings with the person who gave you the ticket, but it would be generous of you to do so, and it is up to you just how much you decide to give them. Or, you could take them out to dinner or give them some other treat “to celebrate”.
Dear Queenie,
My son admitted to me very privately that he is gay and particularly asked me to not let anyone else know. Him being gay isn’t a problem for me, but keeping it a secret is.
He is engaged to be married and he especially asked me to not tell his fiancée. It is not right for her to marry him without knowing this about him and if it might make her change her mind about being married to him she should have a chance to decide before she marries him.
Queenie, I won’t tell her, but I think he should. What do you say?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
I agree with you that your son’s fiancée should know he is gay before she marries him. It will be less hurtful for both of them if knowing this about him before they get married makes her change her mind about marrying him, than if finding out after they are married makes her decide to end their marriage – especially if she only finds out after they have had a child – or several children.
There are LGBT organisations that give help, including counselling, to persons like your son. If there are no branches of such groups locally where you live, they can be contacted online.
