Dear Queenie,
I borrowed a friend’s cell phone to make a call and saw some things on it that make me think she is cheating on her husband.
Queenie, should I try to talk to her about this?—Suspicious friend
Dear Friend,
It is one thing to make a call on someone else’s phone, and quite another to go through it looking at things that are none of your business. If your friend is having an affair, and if she wanted you to know about it, she would tell you.
The best thing you can do right now is keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.
Dear Queenie,
Dear Queenie, My husband’s sister planned a grand expensive party for their mother’s 80th birthday without discussing it with him, and just told him how much he owed her for his share of the cost. It was much more than my husband could afford and he told her so. He offered her what he could afford, which she took. We went to the party and everyone had a great time, and there was no more talk about money. But now she keeps saying how much more he owes her and asking when he is going to pay the rest.
Queenie, is this right?—Not rich
Dear Not rich,
Your sister-in-law should have discussed her plans with her brother before she spent a lot of money on the party. However, what is done is done. Perhaps, for the sake of peace in the family, your husband could arrange to pay her at least some of what she says he owes her, as much as he can afford, maybe bit by bit on an “instalment plan”.
Dear Queenie,
My son lives with his girlfriend in the US and the only way we can keep in touch these days is by phone, but he always puts me on speaker. I’ve never met his girlfriend and I don’t think she should be able to hear everything we talk about.
Queenie, is it okay for me to ask him not to use the speakerphone?—Annoyed mother
Dear Mother,
There are always some things that are best kept private. Of course you can ask your son not to use the speakerphone all the time, or at least not when you want to discuss private matters, although maybe just having her hear his side of the conversation might be more than you would wish. Perhaps you could arrange to talk to him, at least sometimes, when his girlfriend is not there.
Dear Queenie,
When I got pregnant by a man I was dating, but not serious about, he wanted me to have an abortion. I broke up with him instead and never told him when the baby was born.
Queenie, should I let him know in case he is willing to be a father to his child now that the baby is here?—Single mother
Dear Mother,
Whether he wants to be part of his child’s life or not, this man still has certain legal obligations such as child support. Of course, to enforce those obligations you may have to go through some DNA testing to prove his relationship to the child. You should consult a lawyer before you talk to your baby’s father.
Dear Queenie,
Since I got divorced my mother hates my ex-husband and tells everyone bad things about him. She even tells our children bad things about their father. And if someone asks her not to talk that way or tries to disagree with what she is saying she gets mad and stops talking to them entirely.
Queenie, she didn’t used to be that way. How can we get her to change back to how she used to be?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Your mother may not be able to control the stress of your divorce, and she may have some physical condition that is adding to her stress. Try to get her to see her doctor for a check-up, and go with her so you can explain to the doctor what has been going on with her.
