Dear Queenie,
Whenever there is an occasion for giving a gift, my brother gives me something that is not my size or just not the kind of thing I like. He usually buys them on sale, so I can’t just return them for credit or exchange them for something I like better.
Queenie, is there some way I can let him know I would prefer it if he would just give me a gift certificate, or at least something that could be exchanged for something I like better?—Cheapskate’s sister
Dear Sister,
You could suggest a gift certificate, but of course then the price would be right there in front of you and the cheapskate might be embarrassed. Try to accept your brother for what he is and to be grateful for whatever effort he put into getting a gift for you – after all, “it’s the thought that counts”.
You can always pass his gifts on to someone else who can use them, or donate them to a community service organisation that will do so.
Dear Queenie,
I’m planning my wedding and I have asked my best friend to be my maid of honor and her daughter, who is my god-daughter, to be the flower girl.
My mother and her family are very prejudiced and they don’t like my friend and her daughter because the little girl is biracial. My mother says she won’t come to the wedding if my friend and her daughter are in the wedding party. And my fiancé and I are paying for the whole affair, so it’s not as if my mother has anything to say about the arrangements.
My father and my brothers and sisters do not agree with her. They think her attitude is terrible.
Queenie, what should I do about all this?—Bride-to-be
Dear Bride-to-be,
I agree with your father and your siblings – your mother’s attitude is terrible. You can try to talk it over with her reasonably, but I hope you will not give in to her racist bigotry.
Dear Queenie,
I take a class for older people at a local university along with the regular university students. Sometimes the other students will be chatting about something else while the professor is talking, which makes it hard for me to hear the professor. And then the chatterers will ask the professor to repeat what he said because they didn’t hear it.
Queenie, how do I get them to shut up and listen to the professor?—Older student
Dear Older student,
How about telling them – as politely as you can manage under the circumstances – “Please shut up and listen to the professor!”?
You might also want to discuss this matter with the professor. I am surprised that he (or she) has not noticed the problem and taken steps to solve the problem.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going out together for almost a year, but up to now I haven’t met any of his family. He says he is divorced, but his family doesn’t believe it’s all over between him and his ex-wife. I think maybe they are hoping he and his ex will get back together.
I gave him until the end of the year to have me meet everyone.
Queenie, what is your opinion about all this?—Secret Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I think if your boyfriend were really ready to move on with his life after divorce he would be willing to let you meet his family. Or possibly he lied to you about being officially divorced.
Whatever the case, if you have not met his family by the end of the year, he may never be ready to make your relationship public and you should be prepared to end your relationship with him and move on with your own life.
Dear Queenie,
I was invited to a wedding and sent them a nice gift, but a few days before the ceremony I was informed that it had been cancelled. I never heard anything more from anyone, not the couple or their family, about why the wedding was cancelled, and I never even got a thank you note for the gift I sent.
Queenie, if they didn’t get married after all shouldn’t they have returned the gifts?—Cancelled wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Of course the gift should have been returned, with a note of thanks for the thought involved in sending it.
However, depending on the circumstances involved in the cancellation of the wedding, the couple and whoever was arranging the celebration may have been
completely overwhelmed by whatever had happened.
If you think you know any of these people well enough, feel free to ask them why the wedding was cancelled, and see if they make any mention of the gifts the (apparently not-so-happy) couple received.
