Dear Queenie,
A friend and I work in similar roles, just at different organizations here in Sint Maarten. I am naturally more outgoing. I network, I share opportunities, I encourage growth. When I see a training, certification, or conference that fits her profile, I send it to her. Often, she pursues them. But here’s the part that confuses me: she never tells me. I’ll mention the course later and she’ll casually say, “Oh yes, I signed up.” Or I’ll find out through LinkedIn that she completed the certification weeks ago. No excitement. No
update. No “thank you for sharing.” I always cheer her on. Publicly. Privately. I genuinely want her to grow. So why the silence? She’s more timid than I am, so maybe it’s personality. But it feels intentional, like she doesn’t want me to know her next move. Am I overthinking? Or is this subtle competitiveness disguised as shyness? —Supportive but Slightly Confused
Dear Supportive but Slightly Confused,
This is not about the courses. It is about vulnerability. When you are naturally outgoing, sharing comes easily. You announce plans. You celebrate wins. You invite applause. Not everyone experiences growth that way. For someone more timid, especially in a small island like Sint Maarten where professional circles overlap, development can feel exposed. Announcing that you signed up for something may feel like announcing ambition. And ambition can feel risky. Now here is the slightly provocative part. Sometimes silence is insecurity. If she sees you as more confident, more visible, more connected, she may quietly pursue opportunities without announcing them because she does not want comparison. Not necessarily competition, comparison. There is a difference. She may not want to feel like your protégé. She may not want to owe you the narrative of her progress. Or she may fear that sharing too early invites scrutiny if she doesn’t succeed. And yes, there is also the possibility of subtle competitiveness. Not malicious. Just human. Growth can make friendships feel uneven. Especially when careers mirror each other. Before you label it, observe the pattern without emotion. Is she secretive only about professional wins? Or generally reserved about milestones? If it truly bothers you, a light conversation could clear it: “I love cheering you on. Sometimes I only find out about your certifications later, I hope you know I’m always rooting for you.” No accusation. Just openness. Her response will tell you everything. Not every quiet move is strategic. Some are simply self-protective. And remember, you shared the opportunity. She walked through the door. Both things can be true without tension. —Queenie
