Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who has blocked what seems to be half of Sint Maarten on social media. Some I understand. Exes. Former friends. People she had genuine falling-outs with. Others I don't even ask about anymore. Every few months, somebody else apparently joins the Blocked Persons Register. Her social media life is her business. The problem is that her blocking habits have somehow created work for me. She'll send me something and say: "Can you post this in the group? I have her blocked." Or: "Send me the link from his page because I can't see it." Or: "Can you check what she posted?" Sometimes she wants me to forward an event. Sometimes it's information from a page she can't access. Sometimes she wants me to send something to somebody because apparently they have mutually blocked each other but still need to communicate through the United Nations. Me. Recently she sent me a link and asked me to repost it somewhere because several of the people involved wouldn't be able to see it from her. I found myself thinking: How did your block list become my administrative responsibility? I'm beginning to feel like her social media assistant. I don't mind helping occasionally, but this happens often enough that I'm tired of being the bridge between her and people she has deliberately removed from her digital life. And I definitely don't want to become involved in checking what blocked people are doing. If you've blocked someone, surely part of the deal is that you no longer get to monitor their Facebook page through mine? Queenie, am I being difficult over a few clicks? —Secretary to the Blocked
Dear Secretary to the Blocked,
Your friend has discovered an unfortunate flaw in the blocking system. When you block someone... they become blocked. This means you may no longer have convenient access to their posts, links, opinions, event information, holiday photographs, relationship status or whatever foolishness they're doing at 11:47 on a Tuesday night. That's not a technical malfunction. That's the product working exactly as advertised. Your friend, however, seems to want the emotional satisfaction of blocking people while retaining full administrative access through you. No. A block button should not automatically generate a job vacancy. There are also two different requests here. If she occasionally says: "Can you send this information to the group for me?" and you genuinely don't mind, that's an ordinary favour. But: "Go on her page and see what she posted because I have her blocked" is different. Now you've been recruited into surveillance. And that can get messy very quickly. Because eventually somebody notices that information is travelling between two people who supposedly have no contact. Guess whose name may come up? Yours. So establish a simple boundary. You don't even need to make it about her excessive blocking. Say: "I don't mind helping occasionally, but I don't want to be the go-between for people you've blocked. And I'm definitely not comfortable checking their pages for you." Then stick to it. She may say: "But it will only take you a second." That's irrelevant. Boundaries aren't calculated in minutes. And if the information is genuinely important, she can usually find another way to obtain it. If she needs to communicate regularly with someone she has blocked, perhaps she should reconsider whether that person actually needs to remain blocked. If she doesn't want contact with them, then she needs to accept the inconvenience that comes with that decision. Blocking someone means closing a door. You don't get to close it... then send your friend around the back of the house to look through the window. —Queenie
