Dear Queenie,
I have a friend I can no longer run a simple errand with. She doesn't understand the concept. Last Saturday, I told her I was heading out to pick up two things and would be back home quickly. She said: "I'll come with you." Fine. A little company. My first mistake was believing we shared the same definition of quickly. We made my stop. Then she said: "Since we're out, let me just run into Cost U Less." Just. There is no "just" in this woman's vocabulary. Cost U Less led to: "I need to pass by the pharmacy." Then: "You mind if we make one quick stop in Philipsburg?" Somewhere along the way she remembered she wanted to look at curtains. Not buy curtains. Look at curtains. Queenie, I left home for two things. I am now involved in interior decorating. By this point, several hours have passed and she announces: "We might as well get something to eat since we're already out." WE? I didn't know I had joined an excursion. And every new destination is presented as though it is immediately next door. "It's right there." Nothing in Sint Maarten is "right there" once traffic gets involved. If I object, she says: "But we're already on the road!" This appears to be her entire philosophy. Once the car leaves the driveway, all outstanding business anywhere on the Dutch side becomes eligible for completion. I like spending time with her. I just don't want buying milk to become a day trip. How do I tell her that when I say I'm running an errand, I actually intend to come home? —Still in the Car
Dear Still in the Car,
Some people run errands. Your friend produces a roadshow. You thought you were going shopping. She saw an opportunity to clear her entire administrative backlog. This is why you must be suspicious of the phrase: "Since we're already out..." Those four words have destroyed many an afternoon. Because technically, she's right. You're already out. You're also already wearing shoes. You have petrol. The shops are open. Why not visit every commercial establishment between Cole Bay and Philipsburg? But there is a fundamental difference between coming along on your errand and quietly converting you into transportation for hers. Especially when each "quick stop" reproduces. One pharmacy becomes one shop. One shop becomes another. Then lunch appears. Next thing you know, the sun is setting and you're wondering whether you should notify your family that you've relocated. So next time she says "I'll come with you." Set the terms before the passenger door closes. "Sure, but I'm only making my two stops and then I'm going straight home." If she needs to go somewhere directly along the way and you don't mind, fine. But when the first: "Since we're out..." arrives, say: "Not today. I need to get home." No explanation required. And don't fall for: "It will only take five minutes." You have historical evidence. It will not take five minutes. It will somehow involve curtains. You can also decide that some errands are simply better done alone. Friendship does not require joint participation in every supermarket run. Sometimes you want company. Sometimes you want to get in the car, buy what you need and return home before anybody remembers they need something from town. And if your friend really wants to spend an entire Saturday driving around Sint Maarten completing miscellaneous tasks, that's perfectly fine. She can invite you properly. Pack water. Wear comfortable shoes. And call it what it is. A tour. —Queenie
