Dear Queenie,
I love a good thrift store. Give me a Saturday morning, a rack of clothes, and the possibility of finding a hidden treasure, and I'm happy. I've found beautiful dresses, designer handbags, books, home décor, even a brand-new serving dish that still had the original price tag on it. My friend, however, thinks thrifting is beneath her. She says she could never wear "other people's things" and wrinkles her nose whenever I tell her about a bargain I've found. Recently, her teenage daughter started thrifting with friends. She's discovered some amazing pieces and has developed her own unique style. Instead of encouraging her, my friend constantly points out, "Oh, that's from the thrift store," whenever someone compliments her daughter's outfit. It's almost as if she wants everyone to know it wasn't bought new. She does the same thing to me. If I wear something she's seen me buy second-hand, she'll proudly announce, "She got that at the thrift store," usually with a little smirk. It feels less like a fact and more like an attempt to embarrass me. The funny thing is, I'm not embarrassed. I just don't understand why she seems determined that I should be. Queenie, do I ignore the comments, or is it time to tell my friend that being thrifty isn't something to be ashamed of? —Proud Thrifter
Dear Proud Thrifter,
There was a time when people whispered about buying second-hand. Today, some people proudly post their thrift finds online. The world has changed. Your friend... perhaps not so much. What strikes me is that she isn't simply expressing a preference. She's assigning a value judgment. In her mind, "new" equals success. "Second-hand" equals less. But that equation doesn't hold up very well anymore. Some people thrift because they need to. Some thrift because they care about the environment. Some enjoy the thrill of finding a one-of-a-kind piece that nobody else will be wearing. And some simply appreciate quality at a sensible price. None of those reasons is low class. In fact, many people with very full bank accounts happily browse vintage boutiques and consignment stores. They call it sustainable fashion. Others call it smart shopping. Your friend's daughter seems to have figured that out before her mother has. What concerns me more is how your friend responds to compliments. Rather than allowing her daughter, or you, to enjoy them, she rushes to reveal the item's origin, as though that somehow diminishes it. It doesn't. If anything, finding a beautiful outfit for a fraction of its original price deserves a second compliment. As for you, I wouldn't argue. The next time she announces, "That's from the thrift store," simply smile and say, "Thank you. I couldn't believe my luck when I found it." No defensiveness. No apology. No explanation. Confidence has a funny way of taking the wind out of snark. And who knows? One day your friend may quietly wander into a thrift store herself. If she does, be gracious. After all, every seasoned thrifter remembers the thrill of discovering that someone else's cast-off can become your favourite find. —Queenie
