Dear Queenie,
My daughter is always taking things. She has taken money out of my purse, helped herself to some of my jewelry, wears my clothes whenever she likes something, eats all the food in the fridge when she is hungry or gives it to her friends. I’ve seen her with some things that I don’t know where she got them and I’m afraid she stole them somewhere.
I didn’t teach her to be like this and I don’t know where she got these habits.
I don’t want to ask her to pay for it, because she doesn’t have a very good job and besides, I’m afraid if I try to talk to her about it she will get angry and move out. I certainly don’t want to report her to the police about the money, but I can’t afford to have things go on this way.
Queenie, do you think she will ever change?—Desperate mother
Dear Desperate mother,
As long as you let her get away with this kind of behaviour, why should she ever change? And yes, you did teach her these habits, by keeping silent about them and not showing her that there were consequences for her actions.
It’s time to confront her and let her know how much you dislike what she is doing. Also, make it clear that you will not tolerate this behaviour and if it continues, she will have to move out. You might also require her to get some counselling if she wants to go on living with you. And while you’re about it, start charging her rent, plus something for the food she eats and/or gives away.
If she protests, and she probably will, stick to your guns. It’s time for some tough love, before she gets herself into some real trouble.
