Dear Queenie,
I love my mother dearly, but she has a habit that makes me deeply uncomfortable. She steals plants. Every time we go out and she spots a flower, succulent, or interesting shrub she likes, out comes a small pair of scissors and a Ziploc bag from her handbag. Snip, snip. Into the bag it goes. To her, it is perfectly normal. She calls it “taking a little cutting” and insists she is not hurting anyone. I, on the other hand, am mortified. I find myself scanning the area like a lookout while my mother casually helps herself to somebody else’s bougainvillea. My biggest fear is that one day she is going to snip from the wrong person’s garden and end up being chased down the street by an outraged homeowner. I have told her it makes me uncomfortable, but she laughs and says that is how people have shared plants in the Caribbean forever. Queenie, is this harmless gardening enthusiasm, or is my mother one pothos clipping away from a public incident?—Daughter of the Plant Bandit
Dear Daughter of the Plant Bandit,
Your mother is participating in a long and somewhat unofficial Caribbean tradition. Many gardens across the region have been built one discreet clipping at a time. For some older women, a handbag without scissors is simply poor planning. That said, tradition does not automatically make something appropriate. There is a significant difference between: “Take a cutting, no problem.” and “Nobody looking, quick.” One is sharing. The other is theft in sensible shoes. Your discomfort is understandable. What your mother sees as harmless, others may see as trespassing or disrespect, especially when a plant has been carefully cultivated and lovingly maintained. And yes, there is always the risk that she will eventually meet the wrong homeowner, one who values their orchids more than neighbourhood diplomacy. So what should you do? Keep saying, gently but clearly: “Mom, if you like the plant, ask first.” Most gardeners are surprisingly generous when approached respectfully. And if she refuses to change? You may need to establish a new rule: No botanical outings unless the scissors stay home. Your mother’s green thumb is admirable. But it should not require a getaway bag.—Queenie
