Dear Queenie,
I am worried about my niece. She is only 11 years old. Instead of asking for books, art supplies, or a bicycle, she wants expensive Korean skincare products for every birthday and Christmas. She has a morning routine. She has a night routine. She talks about cleansers, toners, serums, essences, moisturizers, and something called "skin cycling." The child has better skincare than I do. The problem is that she has beautiful skin. No acne. No blemishes. No skin condition. Yet she constantly talks about preventing wrinkles, shrinking pores, and "anti-aging.” Anti-aging. At eleven. Her mother encourages all of it. They spend a small fortune on products and watch influencers together. Every shopping trip includes another bottle, another cream, another mask. I worry this is teaching a little girl that she has flaws that need fixing before she has even reached high school. When I gently suggested that maybe she was too young for such an elaborate routine, my sister accused me of being judgmental and said skincare is simply self-care. Maybe it is. But something about this doesn't sit right with me. Queenie, am I being old-fashioned, or are we introducing children to adult insecurities far too early? —Concerned Auntie
Dear Concerned Auntie,
Your concern is not really about skincare. It is about self-image. There is nothing inherently wrong with an 11-year-old washing her face, using a gentle moisturizer, or applying sunscreen. Those are healthy habits that can last a lifetime. What gives me pause is the language. When a child who has perfectly healthy skin starts talking about anti-aging, preventing wrinkles, and fixing flaws that do not exist, we have moved beyond hygiene and into appearance anxiety. That shift rarely comes from children themselves. It comes from the messages surrounding them. Today's children are growing up in a world where beauty routines are entertainment. Social media is filled with influencers promoting ten-step regimens, luxury products, and the idea that every pore is a problem waiting to be solved. To an adult, it may seem harmless. To a child, it can quietly become: "I need to improve myself before anything is even wrong.” That is a heavy burden for someone who has barely entered adolescence. Now, I would be careful not to criticize your sister's parenting. If you make it about the products, she will likely become defensive. Instead, stay focused on your niece. Compliment her for qualities that have nothing to do with appearance. Celebrate her creativity, kindness, curiosity, humor, resilience, and talents. Children need adults who remind them that their value is not found in a skincare routine. And perhaps the next time she proudly shows you her newest serum, you can smile and ask: "That's nice. Now tell me what you're reading these days." Because the goal is not to make her feel guilty for enjoying skincare. It is to help her understand that she is already enough, with or without a ten-step routine. Healthy skin is wonderful. A healthy self-image is even better. —Queenie
