Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is always starting a business. I use the word "business" generously. Over the years there have been beauty products, supplements, jewellery, candles, clothing, baked goods, personalized gifts and at least one venture I never fully understood. Every few months comes the announcement: "Big things are coming!" Then a logo appears. There is a photoshoot. A new Instagram page launches. For approximately six weeks, this new business becomes her entire personality. You cannot have a normal conversation without hearing about orders, branding, customers and how important it is to "support your friends." Then gradually, everything goes quiet. A few months later... New business. New logo. Same "big things coming." The problem is that being her friend means constantly being treated as a potential customer. Birthday coming? "Girl, I have the perfect thing you can order." Mention you're tired? She's selling something for that. Need a gift? She knows exactly which product from her latest venture you should buy. I've bought things over the years simply to support her, but I am tired. Recently, she complained that her friends don't support her businesses enough. I wanted to say: "Which one?" I didn't. Queenie, how do I support my friend without becoming a permanent investor in every side hustle she discovers? —Business Fatigue
Dear Business Fatigue,
There is nothing wrong with having an entrepreneurial spirit. Some people see opportunity everywhere. Others see a perfectly good Saturday afternoon and decide to take a nap. Both contribute to society. Your friend's problem isn't that she keeps trying. In fact, there is something admirable about someone willing to start again after an idea doesn't work. The problem is that she has blurred the line between friendship and customer acquisition. Friends can support your business. They are not obligated to sustain it. That's an important distinction. If a business only survives because friends and relatives feel guilty saying no, it isn't really a customer base. It's an extended family subsidy. And "support me" has become a dangerous phrase. Support can mean sharing a post. Offering advice. Recommending someone when appropriate. Celebrating a friend's success. It does not automatically mean reaching for your wallet every time a new logo appears. So stop buying things you don't want. You don't need an announcement. You don't need to explain that you've already supported the previous seven ventures. Simply say: "I don't need that, but I hope it goes well." Warm. Clear. Free. And if she complains that friends aren't supporting her, resist the temptation to ask which business she's referring to. Although, Queenie admits... that would require considerable self-control. A real business eventually has to convince strangers to buy what it's selling. Friends can cheer from the sidelines. They shouldn't have to purchase season tickets. So wish her well. Like the occasional post. Celebrate when something finally takes off. But keep your purse closed unless you genuinely want what's being sold. Friendship should come without a checkout button. —Queenie
