Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is convinced that every man wants her. And I mean every man. The cashier smiled? He wants her. The waiter was polite? Definitely wants her. A man glanced in her direction while looking for the restroom? He was apparently overcome with desire. According to her, men are constantly looking at her longingly, undressing her with their eyes, and secretly wishing they had a chance. Every new man who enters a room eventually becomes the subject of a theory about his attraction to her. The thing is, she is not a teenager. We are grown adults. She is also in a relationship, although admittedly it has been rocky for some time. At first, I found it amusing. Now I find it exhausting. Every social outing eventually becomes a running commentary on who is supposedly attracted to her. And if I suggest that perhaps someone was simply being friendly, she looks at me as though I am hopelessly naïve. Queenie, is this confidence? Insecurity? Wishful thinking? Or am I just becoming a terrible friend because I am tired of hearing about it? —Apparently the Only Person Not Being Pursued
Dear Apparently the Only Person Not Being Pursued,
There is confidence. And then there is creating an entire romantic subplot for strangers. Your friend appears to be operating in the second category. Now, let us be fair. Some people are naturally flirtatious. Some are charismatic. Some genuinely attract a lot of attention. That happens. But what you are describing is not attraction. It is interpretation. Your friend has developed a habit of assigning romantic meaning to ordinary interactions. The smile becomes flirting. The compliment becomes desire. The eye contact becomes longing. And before you know it, a man has apparently proposed marriage simply by asking where the napkins are. What is interesting is that this behaviour often appears during periods of emotional uncertainty. You mentioned her relationship is rocky. That may be relevant. When people feel unseen, unappreciated, or insecure in one area of life, they sometimes seek reassurance elsewhere. Not necessarily through action. Sometimes through imagination. The belief that: "I still have options." "People still notice me." "I am still desirable." can be surprisingly comforting. That does not mean she is lying. She may genuinely believe her interpretations. The problem is that constant validation-seeking can become exhausting for everyone within listening distance. Especially when every coffee run turns into a wildlife documentary about males in pursuit. My advice? Stop debating individual sightings. You will never win. Instead, respond with gentle neutrality. A simple: "Perhaps." is often more effective than a ten-minute discussion about whether the bank teller was captivated by her existence. And if she insists every man in the room wants her, remember this: Sometimes the person receiving the most attention is not actually the most desired. They are simply the most convinced. —Queenie
