Dear Queenie,
My husband constantly corrects me when I make mistakes. At least, he says they are mistakes. He even does it when we are in public, or visiting with friends or family, all the time.
If I say something happened around two o’clock, he will say, “No, it was 2:15.” If I say we did something last summer he will say, “No, it was in May, summer doesn’t begin until June 21.”
He even tries to correct me when I know I am right, and if I can prove that his “correction” is wrong, he makes a big argument about it and then gets mad at me for shaming him in public. But he won’t listen to me when I tell him I don’t like being “shamed” in public either.
Queenie, how can I get through to him?—Annoyed wife
Dear Annoyed wife,
This is a very subtle form of emotional abuse, frequently practised by persons with feelings of insecurity. He may not even be deliberately trying to put you down, just trying to build himself up.
The sad part of it is that most other people who hear him are well aware of what he is trying to do, and rather than making himself seem smart, he just makes himself appear a little foolish – and very, very rude.
I doubt that anything you say to him will persuade him to change his behaviour. Counselling might help, if you can persuade him to go. If not, go by yourself, to get some help learning how to cope with his behaviour – and whether you really want to continue to do so.
