Dear Queenie,
I am a girl about 15 years old and I have something on my mind that is really scaring me. Whenever a friend starts talking about their other friends I find myself getting somewhat jealous or annoyed. Sometimes I’ll think that the other person is not a good friend.
I feel like I am being a bad person by thinking these things and that I myself am not a good friend. At times I’ll be fine with it, but then at other times I’ll be thinking “Shut up.” I am kind of scaring myself by having these internal reactions to others’ talk of friends.
I have many friends myself so I’m not jealous they have many others too. I often get these reactions around a very close friend of mine. Could it be because I am afraid of them departing/moving away like many of my other friends have moved to Holland or that their other friends will steal them from me?
Queenie, please clarify this for me.—Afraid of Myself
Dear Afraid of Myself,
Children live in an egocentric world. That is, they tend to feel that the world revolves around themselves, or should. As they grow up they learn not to put themselves first all the time, and to feel empathy and compassion for others.
You are in adolescence, a stage somewhere between childhood and maturity. Sometimes you react like a child, even though your growing maturity tells you it is wrong.
Losing someone for whom you care is difficult at any age. Having lost a number of friends has probably made you extra-sensitive to the possibility of losing another.
And, yes, you probably are a little jealous.
