Dear Editor,
Mindfulness is consciousness. It is the opposite of functioning on auto-pilot. It is the best way to regain self-respect in a world that is continuously telling you what to do and how to behave. If your mind is malfunctioned by echoing the voice of "authority" of what to do and how to behave, mindfulness practice could centre you to your true self that you may regain trust in your intuition. There are some people who may want to use caution or better yet a mindfulness guide to starting a practice; these are people who have been sexually molested/abused and severe mental illness that have suffered any psychotic episodes.
I would also like to thank all the kind people who have taken the time to give me feedback on these articles. I also will do my best to shorten them and give more examples to clarify what I'm talking about. For the persons confused to whom my audience is, then I would say if you can understand what I wrote, it's for you and that's all. As one in five of us are going to be mentally "off" at some point, let's be mindful and compassionate about who's in the room with us. Oppositional traits are usually seen in disorders like antisocial personality disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP) and bipolar disorder (BD). I chose this trait as point of discussion because many parents talk about their very strong-will child and they are confusing what a strong will looks like as opposed to an oppositional will. Many kids and some adults who's neurological makeup has fallen short of perfection may often be characterized as stubborn, oppositional, cheeky, insolent, spoiled and of course "wilful." Parents often see their child as some mean spirited jackal from hell, a wicked thing or even "evil child" (you know the kids I'm talking about, you might have been one of those kids). However, on a more serious note, parents fear that this deep-rooted negative trait in their children's personality may hinder chances of success. Dr. Gabor Mate thinks the truth is more complicated than that but also leaves more ground for optimism. "Oppositionality" cannot come out of nowhere, it is always a response to something. The child is usually in opposition to goings on/rules in the adult world (did I just hear you say too bad for him/her?). If we are to define "will" as the capacity that enables a person to know what he wants and to hold to that goal regardless of setbacks, difficulties and distractions, then have another look at your strong-will child because rigid, obsessive clinging to a desire may resemble will in its persistence, but has nothing in common with it. Rigid, obsessive clinging rules your child, a strong-willed child is in command of his intentions. Oppositionalilty, says Dr. Gabor, "is not an expression of will it is an "absence of will," it allows a person to react but not act from a free and conscious process of decision making." Say, 12 year-old Sheila decides she doesn't want to go to swimming class today, the more you the parent ask politely that she gets ready, the more she digs her heals in. Common phrases of Oppositionality and counter-will are: "you ain't the boss of me" or "you can't make me", or "I don't want to", and "you're always telling me what to do." Some kids enjoy putting up the "keep out" sign on the bedroom door or with younger children the hands over the ears gesture to keep you the parent from mind controlling them. Oppositionality or counter-will is there only because there is a threat and the child is threatened because a strong sense of her own self has not developed sufficiently. It is important to understand that counter-will in personalities that suffer from oppositionality traits is affected by environmental stimulus (say an argument that happened before or a grating sound or a contemptuous face could all be a turnoff for this child or person.) Any force or pressure, no matter how good the intention, will generate counter-will, says Dr. Neufeld; the weaker the child – or, for that matter, the adult – is psychologically, the more automatic and rigid the counter-will response becomes. A strong unconscious defence indicates a weak, undeveloped will. So rather than being too powerful, the inner core of self, the true will, is stunted. Because oppositionality comes with underdeveloped sense of self-regulation, poor impulse control makes the child say or act in ways that seem like deliberate rudeness (and you know we can't tolerate that down here.) Though the phenomenon of counter-will is a fairly neglected topic in the behavioural sciences it gives insight into development of many kids with tendencies to oppositional disorders and its role there when it has been maladjusted. It is triggered whenever a child senses that the parent wants it to do something more than the child wants it. The solution would take for us to see the dynamics that are playing out, take a step back and recognize that this is not about us or about the child/person wanting to be rude, but to understand that the long-term psychological growth of that person should be invested in.
These days, children's neurological make-up requires that more attention be paid to the individual needs of their brain development. This is a matter of survival, not a privilege or entitlement. Indeed we may go ahead and build that 100 million dollar Jurassic Park that was in the planning. Be mindful of who is in the room with you.
Debbie Zwanikken
Dear Editor,
Mindfulness is consciousness. It is the opposite of functioning on auto-pilot. It is the best way to regain self-respect in a world that is continuously telling you what to do and how to behave. If your mind is malfunctioned by echoing the voice of "authority" of what to do and how to behave, mindfulness practice could centre you to your true self that you may regain trust in your intuition. There are some people who may want to use caution or better yet a mindfulness guide to starting a practice; these are people who have been sexually molested/abused and severe mental illness that have suffered any psychotic episodes.
I would also like to thank all the kind people who have taken the time to give me feedback on these articles. I also will do my best to shorten them and give more examples to clarify what I'm talking about. For the persons confused to whom my audience is, then I would say if you can understand what I wrote, it's for you and that's all. As one in five of us are going to be mentally "off" at some point, let's be mindful and compassionate about who's in the room with us. Oppositional traits are usually seen in disorders like antisocial personality disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP) and bipolar disorder (BD). I chose this trait as point of discussion because many parents talk about their very strong-will child and they are confusing what a strong will looks like as opposed to an oppositional will. Many kids and some adults who's neurological makeup has fallen short of perfection may often be characterized as stubborn, oppositional, cheeky, insolent, spoiled and of course "wilful." Parents often see their child as some mean spirited jackal from hell, a wicked thing or even "evil child" (you know the kids I'm talking about, you might have been one of those kids). However, on a more serious note, parents fear that this deep-rooted negative trait in their children's personality may hinder chances of success. Dr. Gabor Mate thinks the truth is more complicated than that but also leaves more ground for optimism. "Oppositionality" cannot come out of nowhere, it is always a response to something. The child is usually in opposition to goings on/rules in the adult world (did I just hear you say too bad for him/her?). If we are to define "will" as the capacity that enables a person to know what he wants and to hold to that goal regardless of setbacks, difficulties and distractions, then have another look at your strong-will child because rigid, obsessive clinging to a desire may resemble will in its persistence, but has nothing in common with it. Rigid, obsessive clinging rules your child, a strong-willed child is in command of his intentions. Oppositionalilty, says Dr. Gabor, "is not an expression of will it is an "absence of will," it allows a person to react but not act from a free and conscious process of decision making." Say, 12 year-old Sheila decides she doesn't want to go to swimming class today, the more you the parent ask politely that she gets ready, the more she digs her heals in. Common phrases of Oppositionality and counter-will are: "you ain't the boss of me" or "you can't make me", or "I don't want to", and "you're always telling me what to do." Some kids enjoy putting up the "keep out" sign on the bedroom door or with younger children the hands over the ears gesture to keep you the parent from mind controlling them. Oppositionality or counter-will is there only because there is a threat and the child is threatened because a strong sense of her own self has not developed sufficiently. It is important to understand that counter-will in personalities that suffer from oppositionality traits is affected by environmental stimulus (say an argument that happened before or a grating sound or a contemptuous face could all be a turnoff for this child or person.) Any force or pressure, no matter how good the intention, will generate counter-will, says Dr. Neufeld; the weaker the child – or, for that matter, the adult – is psychologically, the more automatic and rigid the counter-will response becomes. A strong unconscious defence indicates a weak, undeveloped will. So rather than being too powerful, the inner core of self, the true will, is stunted. Because oppositionality comes with underdeveloped sense of self-regulation, poor impulse control makes the child say or act in ways that seem like deliberate rudeness (and you know we can't tolerate that down here.) Though the phenomenon of counter-will is a fairly neglected topic in the behavioural sciences it gives insight into development of many kids with tendencies to oppositional disorders and its role there when it has been maladjusted. It is triggered whenever a child senses that the parent wants it to do something more than the child wants it. The solution would take for us to see the dynamics that are playing out, take a step back and recognize that this is not about us or about the child/person wanting to be rude, but to understand that the long-term psychological growth of that person should be invested in.
These days, children's neurological make-up requires that more attention be paid to the individual needs of their brain development. This is a matter of survival, not a privilege or entitlement. Indeed we may go ahead and build that 100 million dollar Jurassic Park that was in the planning. Be mindful of who is in the room with you.
Debbie Zwanikken
Dear Editor,
There are many things we plan for in life and as a consequence many things we prepare for. Sickness is not usually one of those things. We think about what we would consider most ideal when we think about our future; our lives as professionals, our families and our possible influence on those around us and in this way even those far away from us.
Unfortunately, a serious or life-threatening illness is something that many of us have had to deal with or are still dealing with. This may be a personal journey or you may be supporting someone else on this trying journey. The outcome may vary, but the people who have taken this journey will tell comparable stories.
Once a serious illness is ascertained, the process which ensues is often complicated and emotionally and physically draining. From an emotional point of view, strength, understanding and patience are necessary when trying to deal with this new reality. From a practical point of view, significant financial resources are usually needed. In all situations the expertise of doctors, specialists and different health care workers and the services of different institutions are also necessary. The support of family and friends is of course invaluable and the lines of communication must be clear.
In times like these you are always advised to put your trust in God. Considering the fact that God works through us, we must also put our trust in those who are now a part of this new reality. Whatever the specific situation may be, we can't do it alone; we should not have to take the journey alone. Unfortunately some of us still do.
A few months ago, my sister and I were a part of such a journey. Our mother started on this journey about six months ago after being diagnosed with a serious medical condition. For the most part, the process that ensued was riddled with incompetence, red tape, miscommunication, negligence and lack of compassion or understanding. This should of course never be the case.
This incompetence and red tape resulted in unnecessary physical and emotional stress and most likely progression of the clinical situation. The level of miscommunication and lack of communication were also far beyond what would be considered understandable and was unacceptable.
A social system should ensure that someone who is already suffering emotionally and physically has the guidance and assistance necessary to enable this person to concentrate on what their part of the process should be: getting well. This is definitely not the case with the social system that is now in place on St. Maarten.
I am writing this as someone who is still trying to understand why negligence is acceptable in our social system. I am writing this as someone who lost a part of her about two months ago and is still sharing an unbearable pain with those who also experienced this loss. This pain is accompanied with confusion and lack of closure. The latter is, however, not due to the loss itself but the surrounding circumstances. Too much was taken away from our mother and from those who loved and cared for her because of this lack of competence, compassion and care. In my case the emotional pain may never subside.
My one hope is that the employees of our social insurance company understand their role as patient care agents. It may sound strange, but as a patient care agent you do hold someone's life in your hands. It is imperative that you realize this. A position as a patient care agent is not just the opportunity to fill a position, it is an opportunity to provide a person with the peace of mind they need to embark on this journey. It is therefore a privilege.
My suggestion is to take your position seriously or to find another job. I am also writing this in the hope that no one else has to go through what we went through and are still going through.
A family member
Name withheld at author's request.
Dear Editor,
There are many things we plan for in life and as a consequence many things we prepare for. Sickness is not usually one of those things. We think about what we would consider most ideal when we think about our future; our lives as professionals, our families and our possible influence on those around us and in this way even those far away from us.
Unfortunately, a serious or life-threatening illness is something that many of us have had to deal with or are still dealing with. This may be a personal journey or you may be supporting someone else on this trying journey. The outcome may vary, but the people who have taken this journey will tell comparable stories.
Once a serious illness is ascertained, the process which ensues is often complicated and emotionally and physically draining. From an emotional point of view, strength, understanding and patience are necessary when trying to deal with this new reality. From a practical point of view, significant financial resources are usually needed. In all situations the expertise of doctors, specialists and different health care workers and the services of different institutions are also necessary. The support of family and friends is of course invaluable and the lines of communication must be clear.
In times like these you are always advised to put your trust in God. Considering the fact that God works through us, we must also put our trust in those who are now a part of this new reality. Whatever the specific situation may be, we can't do it alone; we should not have to take the journey alone. Unfortunately some of us still do.
A few months ago, my sister and I were a part of such a journey. Our mother started on this journey about six months ago after being diagnosed with a serious medical condition. For the most part, the process that ensued was riddled with incompetence, red tape, miscommunication, negligence and lack of compassion or understanding. This should of course never be the case.
This incompetence and red tape resulted in unnecessary physical and emotional stress and most likely progression of the clinical situation. The level of miscommunication and lack of communication were also far beyond what would be considered understandable and was unacceptable.
A social system should ensure that someone who is already suffering emotionally and physically has the guidance and assistance necessary to enable this person to concentrate on what their part of the process should be: getting well. This is definitely not the case with the social system that is now in place on St. Maarten.
I am writing this as someone who is still trying to understand why negligence is acceptable in our social system. I am writing this as someone who lost a part of her about two months ago and is still sharing an unbearable pain with those who also experienced this loss. This pain is accompanied with confusion and lack of closure. The latter is, however, not due to the loss itself but the surrounding circumstances. Too much was taken away from our mother and from those who loved and cared for her because of this lack of competence, compassion and care. In my case the emotional pain may never subside.
My one hope is that the employees of our social insurance company understand their role as patient care agents. It may sound strange, but as a patient care agent you do hold someone's life in your hands. It is imperative that you realize this. A position as a patient care agent is not just the opportunity to fill a position, it is an opportunity to provide a person with the peace of mind they need to embark on this journey. It is therefore a privilege.
My suggestion is to take your position seriously or to find another job. I am also writing this in the hope that no one else has to go through what we went through and are still going through.
A family member
Name withheld at author's request.
Dear Editor,
If we truly want to make St. Maarten a better place for our children and grandchildren, letters to The Herald's Editor like the one in Sept 11th's edition under the caption "They have a right to" should become a thing of the past and so should graffiti like the one on the Government Building wall yesterday (thankfully removed by those in charge of Government Facilities). The non-indigenous born-to-be-here St. Maarteners (including me) are here to stay.
Let's all get along. Many of us came here as young children and instead of hiding behind excuse after excuse for failure, as many do today, we grabbed opportunities that we were presented with, worked our "tails" off and certainly made the best lemonade out of any lemons life threw at us. I am proud to be one of "the locals that ran Mullet Bay when it was the Flagship of the Caribbean", together with greats like Lou Peters, Keith Franca, Vernon Jacobs, Zephanie and Pedro Fleming, Olga Williams, Bobby Bouwer, the late Robert James, Clarice and Vilma Hodge, James Richardson, the late James (Fats) Hughes, Alphonso Danny David, Pedro Koeiman, the late Louis Wescott, Minder Rismay, Delphine David, the late Joe Brooks and many, many others, a fabulous mixture of Born-Here and Born-to-be-Here St. Maarteners, who never questioned "where we were from."
Some did very well, most did quite well, some did satisfactorily and some did not do so well for a variety of reasons. As St. Maarten started to become a player on the world stage, many of the "indigenous" families sold their land, their houses, their properties to some of the same Indians and Guyanese of which this "concerned citizen", (who not-so-bravely asks for his/her name to be withheld) now says "They don't have a right..."
If we are to become a great little country, we had better learn to respect, tolerate and embrace each other. None of us must ever accept to be treated like a second class citizen, especially here in our "own" country, but we should certainly stop blaming all others for what may be our own shortcomings. And let us make a concerted effort to expose those unscrupulous ones amongst us that take advantage of those that are most vulnerable.
Keeping employees on repeated short-term contracts and paying them the minimum wage is abuse, plain and simple. Everyone has the right...... to a decent life, to a roof over their head, to three square meals a day and to be respected.
Michael J. Ferrier
