Dear Queenie,
My teenage son plays on a sports team at his school and me and my husband, who is a great stepfather, go every time to watch him play. My son told me he would like it if his father (my ex-husband) would come to see him play too so I sent my ex a schedule of when he would be playing and told him his son would like it if he showed up once in a while, but up to now he hasn’t. I even called him on a game day to remind him, but he still didn’t come.
My husband says if my ex was a good father he would show up without being reminded and I should just leave him alone.
Queenie, is my husband right?—Concerned mother
Dear Mother,
Your ex may have business or other matters that conflict with his son’s sports schedule. You have done all you can by sending him the schedules and letting him know he is welcome to show up. And your son is old enough to call his father himself and invite him to attend. It is up to your ex whether or not he does so.
Dear Queenie,
I fell in love with a man I dated for a while a year or so ago and he said he loved me too, but after a while we stopped seeing each other and he started dating another girl, someone I know, and we are all good friends. I am quite jealous of her and I think he knows it.
Queenie, should I ask him if there is any chance of us getting back together again?—Ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
Not unless you are absolutely certain that he wants the same thing, or you probably will be disappointed. Also, it is not appropriate to try to get him to break up with the girl he is dating now. How would you feel if the situation were reversed and she tried to do that to you?
If this man wanted to get back together with you he would find a way to let you know. Spend less time with him (and his present girlfriend) to give yourself a chance to get over him and find someone else.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been invited to the wedding of an old friend who is marrying someone I do not like or approve of, and I won’t attend.
Queenie, do I still have to send a gift? Wouldn’t that mean I approve of their marriage?—Wedding gift Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
A gift means you wish the happy couple well, not necessarily that you approve of what they are doing. If you do not attend the wedding you do not have to send a gift, although a congratulations card would be a nice gesture. But be sure to at least RSVP the invitation so they will know not to expect to see you at the ceremony.
Dear Queenie,
My father-in-law is actually quite healthy, but he claims to have some health issues that keep him housebound except for going out to the bar occasionally. He doesn’t have many friends and all he likes to talk about is what he thinks are his health problems.
I have suggested that he get some exercise, do some volunteer work, or maybe take some classes, but he won’t even think about it. I understand that at his age he might have some problems in regard to getting older, but he won’t even try to do anything about it.
Queenie, what can I do?—Worried son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
You can suggest that your father-in-law see his doctor to be evaluated, tested and, if necessary, treated for anything that might actually be wrong with him.
As for any imaginary problems, try to be sympathetic. You might also suggest professional psychological counselling. At the very least, going to these appointments would give him something to do, and perhaps some relief.
Dear Queenie,
My sister has all sorts of problems and our parents give her everything she needs and spend a lot of money taking care of her. They tell me they will make it up to me with what I will get when they die, but who knows how long that will be and how much will be left if they give everything to my sister while they are still alive.
Queenie, is this fair?—Left out child
Dear Left out,
No, that is not fair, but that is how it is.
Your parents feel obligated to your sister because of her problems and are afraid of what might become of her if they do not take care of her, while they are confident that you are able to take care of yourself.
If there is a specific item(s) that you would like to have, ask them to give it to you now so that you do not have to worry about what might become of it after they are gone. Beyond that, try to forgive them (and your sister) for their favouritism. Carrying a grudge will hurt you more than any of them.
