Dear Queenie,
My husband and I want to start having children but I have seen the problems other people have with their children, including in my own family, and I am afraid of all the things that might go wrong.
Queenie, how can I stop being so scared?—Fraidy cat
Dear Fraidy cat,
There are no guarantees in life. You and your husband should consider carefully what you want, how many children you want to have, and how you will cope with any problems that might arise.
As usual, I recommend professional counselling, if necessary, to help you make these decisions.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has asked me to marry him and I would like to say “yes” but I’m afraid I will change my mind after we have been married for a while.
Queenie, how can I be sure I am doing the right thing?—Not ready yet
Dear Not ready,
Do not marry this man – or any man – unless and until you are certain it is what you want to do.
Professional counselling could help you learn what that is, and how to deal with your doubts.
Dear Queenie,
When someone invites you to go out to eat with them and they do not order an appetizer is it okay for you to order one?—Dinner guest
Dear Guest,
If the host offers for you to order an appetizer even though they do not, it is okay to do so. Otherwise, a guest should follow the host’s example.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her husband had a son who is now 5 years old. My daughter died a couple of years ago and her husband (is he still my son-in-law?) has remarried to a woman who has a son a little older than my grandson who is bully and just a little brat.
When my grandson comes to visit me they want the other boy to come along, but he is rude to me and mean to my grandson in front of me. He even behaves that way when I visit my grandson at their home.
Queenie, I don’t want the other boy to come to visit me along with my grandson, but I’m afraid if I don’t let him come they won’t let my grandson come to visit me either. Is there anything I can do about all this?—Worried grandma
Dear Grandma,
Have you talked to your grandson’s father and his new wife about the way “the other boy” behaves? It may be because he is jealous of your grandson. Whatever the reason, he needs to be taught to behave better toward both your grandson and you before he is allowed to visit you.
Does “the other boy” not have grandparents of his own? Perhaps it could be arranged for him to visit them when your grandson visits you – and in any case, your grandson should not have to go along when he visits them any more than “the other boy” should come along when your grandson visits you.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine T. just broke up with his long-time girlfriend because another friend of ours X. has been telling him things about her that I happen to know are not true. T. says he doesn’t trust X. but he still listens to what X. says.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about all this?—Honest friend
Dear Honest friend,
Not much. You might ask T. why he still listens to X. if he does not trust him.
Tell T. you care about him and suggest he get professional counselling.
