Dear Queenie,
A guy I used to know at school had a crush on me and told me a lot of personal stuff about himself and his problems. I tried to help him but it was more than I could handle and I told him to see the school counsellor and talk to his parents, and I stopped being friendly with him.
Now we are going to the same university and he is trying to start up with me all over again. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m just not interested.
Queenie, what to do?—Sorry for him
Dear Sorry,
Tell him you what you have told me – that you just cannot handle his problems, and advise him, as before, to see a counsellor. You could also suggest that he join a club and/or other activity where he can meet some new people.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has been writing back and forth by email to a man in Africa. He keeps telling her he will come to visit her, but he needs money for the ticket. Then he tells her he has to put the trip off for a while and it will cost him more money to change his ticket.
Queenie, how do I tell her this is all just a scam?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
This is an old, old scam but obviously there are still some people who fall for it. Try to explain to your friend that it is a scam and she should report it to the appropriate authorities. However, if she does not believe you she will just have to learn the hard way.
Dear Queenie,
My sister got married without a big ceremony because of the pandemic. Now she wants to make a party to celebrate her marriage and she is planning it for the same day as my wedding anniversary. The problem is I am planning to have a party on that day to celebrate my anniversary.
Queenie, what should I say to her?—Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Would it be possible to combine the two events? That way, you will not miss your sister’s party and none of the mutual invitees will have to decide which event to attend.
If that is not possible, talk it over with your sister and see if one of you can change the date of their party.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her husband fight all the time – nothing physical, but lots of arguing and yelling at each other and calling each other names and telling each other how stupid each one thinks the other one is and all like that, and all of it in front of their children.
The kids are great and they are all doing well in school, but the way things are at home can’t be good for them.
Queenie, how can we help their parents do better? They went for counselling but it didn’t seem to do any good so they stopped. What else can we do?—Worried grandparents
Dear Grandparents,
Try to persuade your daughter and her husband to go back to counselling, for the children’s sake. If the first counsellor did not help them, they should try someone else – or perhaps they need to take the counsellor’s advice more seriously.
Meanwhile, try to spend as much time as possible with your grandchildren to give them some sense of stability – both you and your spouse, if you are married, so the children have a chance to see how two adults can live together harmoniously.
Dear Queenie,
My brother has 2 children. One is a teenager about the same age as my child and the other is in kindergarten. Sometimes I babysit for the little one but I don’t include that one in activities with my own child when I do include the teenager, because it is so hard to look after the little one.
Queenie, am I being unfair to the little one?—Their aunt
Dear Aunt,
Many activities for teenagers are not appropriate for kindergarteners. Include the little one when it is appropriate and you can manage the additional effort, and do not worry about the rest.
After all, you look after the little one when you babysit, but I doubt you spend any time babysitting the teenager.
