Dear Queenie,
When a certain relative comes to visit us he stays in our guest bedroom and wants us to rearrange the furniture so the bed faces in a certain direction (I think it’s a religious thing). We do what he wants, but it’s a lot of work, and when he leaves we have to put everything back the way it was before, which is just as much more work.
Queenie, do we have to do this every time?—Fed-up hostess
Dear Hostess,
As a good hostess you should try to please your guest if possible.
However, as a good guest, he should put the furniture back the way you want it before he leaves.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and having sex since fairly early on. He always uses a condom, but recently he has started wanting to use the “rhythm system” and do without on the days when we think I can’t get pregnant.
Queenie, we’re too young to have children. What can I do?—Teenage girl
Dear Teenager,
Consult your doctor for advice and possibly a prescription for birth control pills. You should have done this long ago. Condoms are not totally safe; there is always the possibility that one might leak or even break, at the worst possible moment.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter has a serious medical condition. She is being treated for it, but her treatments leave her tired out and she can’t do much housework or take much care of the children, especially on treatment days. In the beginning her husband would help out a lot, but as time goes on he does less and less and leaves more and more for her to do.
I tried to talk to him about this, but he got mad and said I don’t care about him, only about my daughter, and I’m lucky he even lets me in their house.
Queenie, I’m worried about my daughter. She is not going to get better if she is exhausted all the time. I try to help out, but there is only just so much I can do for her. What more can I do?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
I am sure your son-in-law is as worried about his wife as you are. However, there is also just so much he can do for her, especially if he also has a job, even just a part-time one.
Can you afford to hire someone to help out around their house, even just part-time and/or occasionally? If your son-in-law has a job, could he afford to help with the cost?
At the very least, avoid quarrelling, or even just arguing, with your son-in-law, which just causes stress for your daughter, which is the last thing she needs on top of her other problems.
Dear Queenie,
My grandson is only 2 years old, but when he falls down or bumps into something and starts to cry his father expects him to “tough it out” and “man up”.
Queenie, how do I make his father understand that it is OK for a little boy to cry if he is hurt?—Doting grandma
Dear Grandma,
A small bump should not be treated the same as a major injury, but it is still okay for a toddler to cry over it without upsetting his parents. Even a grown-up man may cry on a serious-enough occasion and nobody will fault him for it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for several years and all our families can talk about is when we’re going to have children. We both have advanced university degrees and good jobs with prospects for advancement and we are finally able to start putting away something for the future, but they never congratulate us for what we have accomplished, they only want to talk about us having children.
Queenie, I’m getting tired of being polite to them. What’s a good answer I can give to shut them up?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
Tell them you will have children when you are ready and do not wish to discuss the subject any further, and if they persist you will leave. Then do so if necessary.
If this happens when the interrogator is a guest in your home, start talking about something else entirely and do not let them interrupt you.
