Dear Queenie,
One of my grandchildren is picky about the food she eats. Her parents insist that she eat whatever they give her and finish everything that is on her plate.
I understand that they don’t want her to pick and choose what foods she will or won’t eat, but they give her such big portions that sometimes she throws up after trying to eat it all. On top of that, she is getting very fat.
Queenie, what should I say to them about all this?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Forcing a child to eat so much that he/she throws up could be considered a form of abuse.
I agree that a child should be required to eat whatever food is served (unless the child is allergic to something that is served). However, portions should be appropriate for the child’s age and size.
Suggest to your granddaughter’s parents that they discuss this in detail with their daughter’s paediatrician and that they then follow his/her instructions.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and my son both treat me well when they are not both there, but when they are together they get very offensive. When I try to talk to my husband about this he just gets mad and says it’s my fault.
Queenie, why do they act this way?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
This may be a form of “male bonding”, but not in a good way. Your husband may have issues he does not know how to talk about, and your son may just be following his father’s lead, but he should not be allowed to treat you disrespectfully.
Professional counselling as a family might help. If not, or if you cannot get the other two to go with you, you may need individual counselling to help you learn how to cope with the situation and decide whether you want to continue to put up with it.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a child who is terribly fat, but they don’t seem to be worried about it.
Queenie, should I talk to them about it?—Concerned friend
Dear Friend,
Why do you think the parents are not concerned about their child’s weight? Tell them you have noticed and ask what the child’s paediatrician has said about it.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going with a man who is a lot older than I am, almost old enough to be my father. A lot of people we know, including some relatives, have commented to both of us about the age difference.
Queenie, how should we answer them? Are we breaking some kind of social rule?—Not-so-old woman
Dear Woman,
There is no social rule about the comparative ages of a couple who are going together, but a large age difference is uncommon enough to attract comments.
Ignore them, or tell them “He (“she” for your partner) makes me happy.”
Dear Queenie,
I’ve tried to get my mother to stop drinking because she spends most of her money on her drinks but she gets mad and tells me I can’t tell her how to spend her money.
I try to look after my little brothers and sisters and I make some money babysitting but I can’t do it all myself.
Queenie, should I keep talking to my mother or just leave her alone? And where can I get some help?—Drunk’s teenage daughter
Dear Daughter,
There is nothing you can do about your mother’s drinking until she is willing to admit that it is a problem. However, you can get some help for yourself from Al-Anon and/or Alateen (al-anon.org or al-anon.alateen.org).
You should also talk to an adult you trust and ask them to help you get in touch with your local social services to help you get proper care for yourself and your younger siblings.
