Dear Queenie,
I’m overweight and trying to lose weight, but I had an injury that makes it difficult for me to exercise so I have to be very careful about what and how much I eat. My problem is people who are always trying to get me to eat things shouldn’t – just have a taste, they say – or to eat too much – what’s the matter, don’t you like my cooking? they ask.
Queenie, what’s a polite way to answer them?—Weight-watcher
Dear Weight-watcher,
Just tell these people – politely – that you have a weight problem and your doctor has put you on a strict diet which you are being very careful to follow, and thank them for understanding (even if they actually do not).
Dear Queenie,
I am careful to keep to a normal weight, but my husband has gotten very, very, very, hugely fat and refuses to talk to me about anything that has to do with his weight, like exercising and watching what he eats, and he hangs out with a bunch of friends who are also very fat.
Queenie, I worry about his health. What can I do?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Because your husband’s friends are also hugely overweight, they all probably think they are of normal size and there is no way you can force him to think differently.
A physical check-up might help, because he might listen to his doctor when he will not listen to you, but there is not much you can do beside making sure that the food in your home is as nutritious and non-fattening as possible. It might help if you can get him to do any physical activity, like taking a walk with you after eating a meal.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t like to be touched by anyone and I hate having sex. I put up with it for my boyfriend’s sake but even with him I don’t like it and I know he can tell and I’m just glad he still stays with me.
Queenie, what’s wrong with me?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Sex should be something you can enjoy. If you do not like being touched at all you may have psychological or sensory problems that need to be considered. Talk to your doctor about this and ask to be referred to an appropriate counsellor.
Dear Queenie,
My son and his wife just had a baby boy, my first grandchild. I want to see the baby as often as I can for as long as I can, and even babysit now and then, but I don’t want to intrude.
Queenie, what is a reasonable schedule for visitation?—New Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
There is no set answer to your question. Talk to your son and daughter-in-law and try to work out a schedule that is comfortable for all of you. It will help if you can stay on the best terms possible with the baby’s mother.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s ex-wife says nasty things about us to his grown-up children, so we do not want to include her when we have family events. However, they seem to think that because she is single and “alone” she should be included whenever they all get together.
Queenie, how do we handle this?—Annoyed stepmother
Dear Stepmother,
Apparently your stepchildren still have a good relationship with their mother. Be kind. You do not have to include her all the time, but do so once in a while.
