Dear Queenie,
My husband can’t get a job that pays enough to support us so I work part-time to help pay our bills. He won’t even look at a budget and complains that I am always talking about money, but he won’t listen to anything I say about money. He says I’m calling him stupid and that it’s just verbal abuse.
Queenie, I love him and I think he loves me too. How can I make things better?—Sad wife
Dear Wife,
There is verbal abuse in your marriage, but it is not coming from you. By letting your husband get away with all this, you are enabling him.
Consult a financial advisor about your money problems and a marriage counsellor, with or without your husband, about the other problems in your relationship.
Dear Queenie,
I have a problem with the way some of my relatives treat my children.
One of my children is a bit slow. He has trouble with reading and these relatives call him stupid and are always getting on his case because he doesn’t read more. They also make fun of him because he is kind of fat. He tries hard but he just doesn’t understand what he is reading and the teachers tell me he may never get any better.
Also, my 14-year-old daughter is a bit of a tomboy. She isn’t interested in boys yet, or clothes or makeup or stuff like that. They tell her she should dress better or the boys won’t like her, and one of them even asked her if she was a lesbian.
Queenie, I don’t want to make trouble in the family, but my kids don’t like these relatives who make fun of them and I don’t want to let them get hurt any more. How should I handle this?—Worried mother
Dear Worried mother,
Your first obligation is to protect your children.
If you haven’t already talked to these relatives about their behaviour, do so at once. Tell them their behaviour is hurting your children and you want them to stop. If they don’t stop, keep your children away from them.
If anyone else in the family tries to intervene, explain the situation to them and ask for their support, but tell them you won’t expose your children to any more abuse!
Dear Queenie,
My wife doesn’t have any social life except me and her family. I wouldn’t mind, except she thinks I should do the same thing.
She hates to see me go out and have a good time with my friends and she says if I really loved her I wouldn’t want to spend time with anyone else.
Queenie, how can I get her to lighten up?—Smothered
Dear Smothered,
There could be several reasons for your wife’s attitude, but whatever the reason, it doesn’t seem healthy. She would probably benefit from counselling, but persuading her that she has a problem and getting her to seek help will probably be difficult.
Meanwhile, however, you could use some help learning to cope with her behaviour, and if you go for counselling she might be willing to go with you, especially if you – and/or the counsellor – ask her to do so to help you with your problem. And let’s face it, you do have a problem. Just don’t tell her she is the problem!
Dear Queenie,
I’m a 13-year-old girl. I’m already very tall and got a good figure. All the boys say I look like I’m at least 18, especially the older ones. They don’t want to believe I’m just 13. They just won’t leave me alone.
Queenie, I’m not ready for this. How do I get them to leave me alone?—Buxom baby
Dear Buxom baby,
Tell them they are harassing you and if they don’t stop you will tell your parents, or even the police. Remind them that because of your age, they could go to jail for molesting you.
Also, make sure the clothes you wear are not provocative and that you have not outgrown them already.
Dear Queenie,
There is this boy at school who is always harassing me. I put up with it this last year of high school because I expected to be going away to college and I thought I’d get away from him. But now it turns out that he’s going to the same college I am.
Queenie, help!—Harassed
Dear Harassed,
Colleges in the States are much bigger than our local schools, and it is entirely possible that you can attend school there for four years and rarely or never come in contact with this boy. And hopefully, he will be too busy with his studies to seek you out, and/or will have matured beyond this kind of childish behaviour.
However, if he continues to harass when you get to college, contact the head of the security department and explain your problem to him (or her!). Colleges in the United States are usually sensitive to this kind of thing and your harasser could find himself in serious trouble for this kind of behaviour.
Keep a written record of any incidents of harassment. Note date, time place, who was there, what was said and what was done. If you can, make recordings of them. Then, if the college security doesn’t take effective action, file a formal complaint with the city’s police department.
Good luck in your college career.
