Dear Queenie,

My mother calls me almost every day to complain about some argument she has had with one of my sisters or brothers. She goes on and on, and by the time we hang up I’m ready to cry.

My sisters or brothers don’t want to talk to her because all she does is complain to them about the others and then argue with them if she doesn’t think they’re properly sympathetic, but she’s the one who starts the arguments. I’ve tried to explain this to her, but then she starts an argument with me.

I’m in my 30s. I’ve just started a new job, I have a little child and I’m in a very important relationship, and the stress is just too much for me. I’ve tried explaining this to her too, but she doesn’t even seem to hear me.

I suggested she talk these things over with Dad, but she says she doesn’t want to stress him out, but she doesn’t seem to care if she stresses me out!

My boyfriend says I should just hang up on her when she starts to go on about something, but I don’t want to do that.

Queenie, how can I get her to let up on me?—Depressed

Dear Depressed,

Your mother apparently leans on you because you are the only one who will listen to her. But if it puts too much stress on you, you will have to learn to set some limits.

You could just hang up on her when she starts her complaints, but that would be rude and unfeeling.

Your best bet would be to set a time limit to her phone calls; say, three to five minutes. Set a timer or check your clock when you answer the phone. If the conversation is, by some miracle, pleasant, talk as long as you want to. If not, when the time is up, tell her you have to go and say goodbye.

Make some excuse if you feel you have to, such as another call coming in, someone at the door, you have to check the food cooking on the stove, the baby is getting into something; whatever you can think of. Or just say, “Sorry, Mom, I have to go now. Goodbye.” Then hang up.

And if she calls you back, say, “Sorry, Mom, I can’t talk now,” and don’t even let her get started before you hang up.

Dear Queenie,

My mother calls me almost every day to complain about some argument she has had with one of my sisters or brothers. She goes on and on, and by the time we hang up I’m ready to cry.

My sisters and brothers don’t want to talk to her because all she does is complain to them about the others and then argue with them if she doesn’t think they’re properly sympathetic, but she’s the one who starts the arguments. I’ve tried to explain this to her, but then she starts an argument with me.

I’m in my 30s. I’ve just started a new job, I have a little child and I’m in a very important relationship, and the stress is just too much for me. I’ve tried explaining this to her too, but she doesn’t even seem to hear me.

I suggested she talk these things over with Dad, but she says she doesn’t want to stress him out, but she doesn’t seem to care if she stresses me out!

My boyfriend says I should just hang up on her when she starts to go on about something, but I don’t want to do that.

Queenie, how can I get her to let up on me?—Depressed

Dear Depressed,

Your mother apparently leans on you because you are the only one who will listen to her. But if it puts too much stress on you, you will have to learn to set some limits.

You could just hang up on her when she starts her complaints, but that would be rude and unfeeling.

Your best bet would be to set a time limit to her phone calls; say, three to five minutes. Set a timer or check your clock when you answer the phone. If the conversation is, by some miracle, pleasant, talk as long as you want to. If not, when the time is up, tell her you have to go and say goodbye.

Make some excuse if you feel you have to, such as another call coming in, someone at the door, you have to check the food cooking on the stove, the baby is getting into something; whatever you can think of. Or just say, “Sorry, Mom, I have to go now. Goodbye.” Then hang up.

And if she calls you back, say, “Sorry, Mom, I can’t talk now,” and don’t even let her get started before you hang up.

Dear Queenie,

I have been going with a wonderful man who has asked me to marry him and I have said yes. My problem is that I have done some things in the past that I am not proud of and I’m afraid to tell him because he might change his mind about marrying me.

But if I don’t tell him, he might find out anyway and change his mind.

Queenie, what should I do?—Hiding my past

Dear Hiding my past,

As I have said so many times before, this is a small island and secrets, especially unpleasant ones, cannot be kept for long.

Tell him the truth as soon as possible. Explain that you did not tell him before because you were afraid of losing him.

The longer you go without telling him, the more deceived he will feel when he finally finds out. I cannot say he will not change his mind about marrying you when he learns the truth, but he is less likely to do so if he knows you are being honest with him. Hope for the best, but prepare yourself for the worst.

Dear Queenie,

I bet that many people say, “Forget that government-owned TelCell cell phone company. ‘All lines are busy. Please try your call later.’ I am going with another company for my cell phone.”

I say enough is enough. I switched a year ago, but it does not help when I can’t contact friends who have TelCell.

Don’t you agree, Queenie?—Frustrated phoner

Dear Frustrated phoner,

I know a lot of people who are not satisfied with TelCell’s service, but it is not always their fault.

You should direct your understandable anger and frustration at (sub)contractor(s) who are doing trenching work who keep damaging the other cables in the vicinity of where they are digging.

One would think they had learned their lesson after the first or second such incident, but that does not seem to be the case. It’s just a lucky thing when they don’t cut into a GEBE cable, or someone could be electrocuted!