Dear Queenie,
I’ve been divorced for a long time and the children’s father moved away a long time ago. When I was having some problems with my teenage son “Joe” his godfather “Ben” helped out and we ended up getting into a committed relationship.
My other children are okay with this, but Joe is mad at me because he thinks I stole his godfather. I have tried to explain that Ben is still there for him as a stepfather as well as a godfather, but Joe just won’t listen to me.
Queenie, Ben wants what’s best for me and the kids. What should we do?— Ben’s mother
Dear Mother,
Your teenage son is acting more like he is still a small child. He needs to learn how to deal with a slightly changed relationship with Ben and a greatly changed relationship between you and Ben.
As usual, I suggest that professional counselling might help all of you deal with the changes in your lives.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t have a regular job and when he goes out he stays out late or never comes home ’til morning. He complains that we don’t have enough money, but when he gets a paycheck he spends it all on booze and women. I have a part-time job but I don’t make enough to pay for all our expenses.
Queenie, how can I get my husband to do better?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
You can’t make someone change just because you want to and they need to. It takes outside intervention – professional counselling at least, if not something more drastic like having your home foreclosed because you did not keep up the mortgage payments or getting evicted from a rented home, and even then professional counselling will be needed to help get things back on track.
If you cannot get your husband to go with you for counselling, go by yourself to learn how to deal with his shortcomings – or whether you even want to stay with him.
Dear Queenie,
I always remember my niece and nephew on their birthday and Christmas by sending them a card with a check enclosed, but they never bother to thank me for the gift. I wouldn’t know if they had received it if I didn’t see on my bank statement that they had cashed the check.
I don’t expect them to send me a written thank you note, but an email or a phone call or text message would nice.
Queenie, am I asking too much?—Disappointed aunt
Dear Aunt,
No, you are not asking too much. The children’s parents are not teaching them basic good manners – the magic words “please” and “thank you”.
If this happened to me, I would continue sending the cards, but skip the check – and explain why to the parents, if necessary.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has a teenage daughter and whenever we go anywhere together she sits in the front seat of the car and I have to sit in the back.
Queenie, I think I should be the one sitting in front. What do you think?—Offended
Dear Offended,
I think you and the daughter should at least take turns and it should be up to the girl’s father to arrange it. But if you make an issue of this, you may not be going anywhere with them.
Dear Queenie,
My husband uses a lot of dirty language – swear words and foul ones – in every conversation. It’s not when he’s angry or anything, it’s just his normal way of speaking.
Now we have a baby boy and I’m afraid he will learn to talk the same way. I have asked my husband over and over to cut down on the foul talk, but he hasn’t done anything about it.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Offended wife
Dear Wife,
This is a real problem. People who talk that way have poor language skills and habits, and teaching them to do better is very difficult.
When your son starts talking and uses a foul word (which he will not even know what it means) you will have to explain to him that even though Daddy talks that way, he is not allowed to say that word.
And I wish you good luck with the language lessons.
