Dear Queenie,
A friend of my family hired me as a receptionist in his office 2 days a week and he pays me in cash. Things were good at first, but then he started kissing me and groping me when no one else was around and even suggesting we have sex.
I haven’t said anything to him or anyone else for fear of losing the job or having him make it official with the tax department.
Queenie, how do I get him to stop harassing me?—Part-time employee
Dear Part-timer,
It is not likely that your boss will make your job official with the tax department because he also has been evading tax and employment regulations. However, both of you could be in trouble if the authorities ever find out about it.
I suggest you quit before that happens, and find another (honest) job if you need the money. Then you can file a harassment complaint against him, but be aware that if you do, the questionable circumstances of your employment are likely to become known to the authorities you both have been avoiding.
I will not go into the moral aspects of what you and your boss have been (not) doing in relation to your employment.
Dear Queenie,
My brother’s mother-in-law is getting old and her mind seems to be slipping with age. She seems to be kind of OK in the daytime but it gets much worse as it gets later and later in the day.
They leave her alone in the house while they are at work during the day, but they lock the door from the outside so she can’t just go wandering around the neighborhood. I’ve told them this is not safe for her, but they still do it.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about it?—Worried about her
Dear Worried,
What your brother and his wife are doing is not merely “not safe”, it is downright dangerous. What if there were a fire in the house and the old lady could not get out and the firefighters could not get in, or if she fell or became ill and no-one could get in to help her?
Find out what service organisation(s) in your community offer(s) day-care programmes for older persons and suggest that your brother and his wife get in touch with them. And if they do not do so, you could inform whatever adult protective services are available in your community so that they can look into the matter.
Dear Queenie,
I’m an adult living on my own with a good job and lots of friends online, like on Facebook. A while ago my father started going online and joined Facebook and I accepted his friend request.
I have a lot of Facebook friends from all over the world who have different religions and lifestyles, and my father has a habit of arguing with them about the things they do and the way they live.
Queenie, how can I get him to be more respectful of people who have different lifestyles and value systems?—Offended daughter
Dear Daughter,
Ask your father – privately and online – to have more respect for your friends. If that does not suffice, “unfriend” him.
Dear Queenie,
I retired recently and I keep busy with the things I used to do in my spare time – volunteering with a community service group, reading, watching TV, taking care of my garden, cooking my meals, cleaning my house, visiting with friends, you get the idea.
However, I have friends who also retired not too long ago and it seems like they have nothing else to do than come and visit me. They come to my house whenever they get bored, which seems to be all the time, and interrupt whatever I am doing.
Queenie, what can I do without being rude?—Busy retiree
Dear Busy,
When these people drop by unexpectedly, go on with whatever you were doing while you visit with them. If they object, tell them you are sorry, but they should have called you before they just came over so you could tell them when you would be free to give them your full attention.
You can also give them some suggestions of productive ways to fill the free time they have so much of – for instance, a list of community service groups that would appreciate having some more volunteers, and/or a senior centre that would offer them some interesting activities.
Dear Queenie,
All my life my parents have shouted at me every time they think I’ve done something wrong, or not as good as they want, which is all the time. Whatever I have an opinion about they think I’m wrong and call me stupid for thinking that way.
Queenie, sometimes I just wish I could die and get away from it all. What else can I do?—Depressed son
Dear Son,
What you are describing is verbal abuse, which can be just as destructive as physical abuse.
If you are too young to live on your own, ask a teacher or guidance counsellor or some other adult you trust for help in learning to cope with your parents and the way they treat you, and, if possible, help in getting professional counselling for that purpose.
If you are old enough and can manage to afford it, move out and have as little to do with your parents as possible – and if they object, tell them exactly why you are doing so.
