Dear Queenie,
I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago and he sure has changed since then. He used to be so sweet, but now he is jealous and mean. I have to tell him everywhere I am going and I can’t talk to my friends without him wanting to know who I’m talking to and what we were talking about, and a couple of times he hit me because he thought I was keeping a secret from him.
He was sorry afterward and said he would never do it again, but he is still jealous and doesn’t like me to talk to my friends. He doesn’t abuse me or anything that bad, but he’s getting very hard to live with.
Queenie, do you think I should stay with him?—Feeling smothered
Dear Feeling smothered,
I have news for you dear: You are being abused, both emotionally and occasionally physically, and the probabilities are that it will only get worse.
Try to get your boyfriend to go with you for counselling. If he really loves you, he will agree, for your sake. If he doesn’t, be forewarned and start making preparations to escape his clutches. Call Safe Haven and/or the Women’s Desk for help if you need it.
Dear Queenie,
My wife has a friend I can’t stand. She is always bragging about her children, her possessions, her job, her husband, the vacations they take, you name it and hers is bigger and better and more expensive. I won’t call her a bold-faced liar, but she sure stretches the truth until it is ready to break. Not only that, but her voice is loud and she never stops talking.
I refuse to go with my wife to visit her and when she comes to our house I say hello and get out of the room as fast as I can. My wife says I’m being rude, but I think it’s her friend who is the rude one.
Queenie, who is right?—Deafened husband
Dear Deafened husband,
That depends on how quickly and obviously you make your exit. You should try to be polite to this woman for your wife’s sake, but there is no reason you should let yourself be imposed on by her, especially in your own home.
Greet her civilly, listen quietly for a little while, then excuse yourself and leave the room quietly. That’s about as much as the situation would seem to require from you.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a delicious cake recipe that uses rum in the batter. The cake has a very strong rum flavour.
I have always heard that the liquor in a recipe burns off during the cooking or baking, but I could swear sometimes I feel a little dizzy after I eat my friend’s cake,
Queenie, could the cake be making me drunk?—Discombobulated
Dear Discombobulated,
I have it on good authority that if the rum is mixed into the batter, not all of it burns off during the baking. So, if it contains a lot of rum, or if you are sensitive to alcohol, or if you eat a lot of the cake, yes, you could be getting an alcohol buzz.
I’d advise you to go easy on that cake, especially when you are driving.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a good job and says he doesn’t want me to work, but he doesn’t give me enough money to run the house and I have to beg him for money every time I need something for myself.
It got so bad I just started taking a little money out of his wallet now and then, but he caught on and cursed me and called me a thief. Now he locks his wallet up when he comes home and he still doesn’t give me enough for the house and he still won’t let me get a job.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Desperate wife
Dear Desperate wife,
He won’t let you get a job? What century does he think you are living in? And you, for that matter, for letting him get away with such chauvinism!
First of all, you should consult a lawyer to find out exactly what your husband’s financial obligations to you are. Then tell him what the lawyer said. Or you could have the lawyer explain it to him in person, but that might annoy your husband, because apparently he is in for a rude awakening.
You should also take one of the budgeting courses offered by various organisations, to be sure you know how to manage the money your husband gives you. Try to get him to go with you. It may be an eye-opener for him.
Then, if you really want to, go out, get a job and open a bank account in your own name only. Discuss this with the lawyer also, to be sure you know what your rights and obligations are in this situation.
You and your husband should also consider seeing a marriage counsellor, to try to work out your differences. If he won’t go with you, go alone. Ask your clergyman or the Women’s Desk for a referral.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been living together for several years and we have finally decided to get married. But when we told my mother about it she acted like she couldn’t care less.
She said she didn’t have any money to pay for a big wedding, so we told her we didn’t want one. Then she said she wouldn’t be there anyway, because she had made plans to go on vacation that weekend.
I want her to be there. She’s the only parent I have, because I never knew my father, and I’m her only child, and I can’t understand why she wouldn’t want to be there.
Queenie, what’s wrong with her?—Deeply disappointed
Dear Deeply disappointed,
She may not approve of your boyfriend. She may not approve of the fact that you have been living together. She may think you are too young or otherwise not yet ready to get married. And maybe she cannot afford, financially or otherwise, to change her vacationn plans.
But why are you asking me this question? You should be asking your mother! Please do so right away.
