Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. He is a good provider and was a good father to our kids, who are now all grown up and out on their own and doing very well for themselves.
My husband likes to go out and socialize with whoever is there where he goes, which is usually a bar or someplace where they are serving liquor and then he drinks too much and when he comes home we end up fighting about how much he drank and how dangerous it is for him to be driving in that condition.
He thinks he is not abusive because he doesn’t hurt me physically in any way, but he doesn’t realize how mentally and emotionally cruelly he treats me.
We have tried to go for counselling, but he makes things look like I am the only one with a problem.
Queenie, I don’t want a divorce, but I just can’t let things go on like this. What to do?—Fed-up wife

Dear Wife,
Has your husband always been a “social drinker”? Have things changed – gotten worse since your children grew up and left home, or have you become more critical of your husband now that you do not have the children to focus on?
If he is constantly drunk, contact Al-Anon (on-line at
al-anon.alateen.org if necessary) for help in learning to deal with him. But if the problem is just that he has a social life while you are stuck lonely at home missing your now-adult children, get involved in some interesting outside activities – volunteer with some non-profit organisation, for example – make some new friends and keep busy.
You can also go back for counselling without your husband, to help you figure out what all your possibilities are.

Dear Queenie,
My wife and I wanted to have a family, but we both have medical problems that make it impossible for her to get pregnant the normal way. We finally managed to have a baby with lots of medical assistance (a sperm donor and in-vitro fertilization) and now our son is almost ready to start kindergarten.
Queenie, we know we will eventually have to explain all this to our son, but how do we do this without the whole family finding out and starting a lot of talk about it?—Proud (but private) parents

Dear Parents,
When your child(ren) is(are) old enough to learn the “facts of life” just tell him(them) the basic facts of his(their) conception and answer questions, if any, in an age-appropriate manner.
Fertility problems are not a shameful secret anymore, and I doubt the matter will become the subject of gossip when/if anyone else finds out.

Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I were together for many years and I thought eventually we would get married. But one day we had a big argument about some emails he was sending to his ex-wife and things got so loud the neighbors called the police and we got arrested.
I was never in that kind of trouble before, but the worst part of it was losing the man I thought would be my husband.
My family says I should get over it because it’s just as well I’m rid of him, but I don’t agree and I miss being with him.
Queenie, what do you say?—Broken-hearted ex-girlfriend

Dear Ex-girlfriend,
No matter what anyone else says, what is important is that your (ex)-boyfriend wants nothing more to do with you. And if he was sending e-mails to his ex-wife that were worth arguing about, apparently he was not as much in love with you as you were with him.
I suggest you consult a counsellor or therapist to help you sort out your feelings and understand what a healthy relationship is like, because apparently this was not such a one.

Dear Queenie,
My daughter-in-law studied nutrition when she was in college, but she doesn’t seem to have learned to apply the rules of good nutrition to herself. She drinks all kind of soft drinks and even adds sugar or syrup to some of them. I made a good breakfast for her – eggs, fruit and a muffin – and she ate a candy bar.
Her husband, my son, told me she has dental problems and high blood pressure and you can see for yourself that she is more than a little bit overweight.
Now she is pregnant and I worry about what effect her kind of diet will have on the baby.
Queenie, what can I do?—Worried grand-mother-to-be

Dear Grand-mother-to-be,
You should also worry about the effect your daughter-in-law’s kind of diet will have on her child(ren) after he/she/they is/are born.
Talk to her husband, your son, and ask if his wife’s obstetrician is aware of the way his wife eats. Your son should go with her to one of her appointments with her doctor (or make a separate visit to the doctor himself, if necessary) to make sure the matter is properly addressed.
However, if your son is not open to this discussion, do not press the issue. He and his wife will just have to learn their lessons the hard way. I feel sorry for their child(ren) if they do not.