Dear Queenie,
My daughter quit school to get a job. Now she goes to night school and she’ll get a diploma, but I’ll never see her at a graduation ceremony.
She also has a boyfriend in another country and wants to go there to be with him so I’ll never see my grandchildren if they ever have any kids, because I can’t travel there.
Queenie, how can I accept all this?—Deprived mother
Dear Mother,
Your daughter is completing her high school education and could very well go on to get a university education. And if/when she has children, even if you cannot travel to where they live, she can bring them to visit you. So, try to look on the bright side and count your blessings.
Dear Queenie,
My teenage granddaughter lies a lot about all sorts of things. Her parents punish her for lying and want me to do the same.
I don’t want her to have bad memories of me as being strict with her like they are.
Queenie, should I try to not notice her lies or punish her for them like they do?—Worried grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
Would you rather be remembered as someone who would let her get away with almost anything, or someone who cared enough about her to try to teach her to be someone other people can trust? Ask your granddaughter why she lies to people who love her and tell her there are always consequences for dishonesty even if they are not immediately apparent.
She needs to learn this lesson – it is an important one.
Dear Queenie,
My mother is getting old and needs someone to look after her all the time. I have been doing it all by myself because none of my brothers and sisters ever offer to help, even though they all live close by.
Queenie, don’t they care what happens to her, or to me?—Worn out daughter
Dear Daughter,
Have you talked to your brothers and sisters about this? Have you explained to them just how much care your mother needs and asked them to help out? They are not mind-readers, you know.
Tell them what you have to do for your mother and ask them to help you. If necessary, make up a schedule for them, with a description of what they will have to do for your mother on “their” days. And if they still do not “step up to the plate”, look into whatever kind of elder-care services are available in your community.
It will not do your mother any good if you wear yourself out to the point where you are not able to give her the care she needs.
Dear Queenie,
The school my kids go to gives them so much homework that sometimes I help them by doing some of it myself. This summer the kids have big reading lists and math packages that they have to finish before school starts again.
We are all miserable. I want my kids to have a good education, but I also want them to be happy.
Queenie, why can’t they let the kids enjoy their summer vacation?—Stressed-out parent
Dear Parent,
Some educators believe there should be school year-round, with no summer vacation. They believe this would help the students keep sharp and prepared for the next (fall) semester of school and not forget what they have learned during the school year while “relaxing” in vacation time.
It helps if you encourage your children to enjoy learning as much as they can and to be proud of how much they have learned. It does NOT help them if you do any of their homework yourself.
Dear Queenie,
My niece is getting married in a place far away from where I live. It would cost a lot for me to attend, plus all the problems the pandemic is causing, so I won’t go, but do I still have to send a gift and, if so, what kind of gift should I send?
Queenie, does it have to be a very expensive one to make up for all I won’t have to spend on travelling?—Wedding gift Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
According to etiquette, the amount you spend on a wedding gift is not related to the amount you spend or do not spend on attending or not attending the wedding.
Give your niece what you can afford to give her, and let her know how much you regret not being able to be present to see her get married.
