Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is divorced. He has a couple of kids and his ex, their mother, has custody. His ex is not someone we want to socialize with but she is there at all the kids’ activities – sports, birthday parties, things like that, but she also keeps showing up at my boyfriend’s family’s gatherings, even if she wasn’t invited and we were the ones that brought the kids, and we don’t want to say anything that will hurt the kids.
Queenie, what can we do about this?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
There is not much you can do except put up with it for the children’s sake, as you said. Eventually, when the children are older (maybe when they are grown up and out on their own) it probably will be less of a problem for you. Until then, as I said, you will just have to put up with it – for the children’s sake.
Dear Queenie,
When I found out my wife was having an affair we went to a marriage counsellor, but my wife quit the counselling after just a couple of sessions.
She says she wants us to stay married and if I thought I could trust her not to do it any more so would I, but I don’t want to risk having this go on or happen again with someone else.
Queenie, what should I do?—Angry husband
Dear Husband,
If your wife truly wants to save your marriage she will go with you for counselling and do what the counsellor advises. If she will not do all this, you should continue the counselling on your own to help you learn to deal with the situation, and you should also get legal counselling to help you deal with whatever comes next.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are divorced and I live with my mother. I never knew the reason for their divorce. I love my aunt, my father’s sister, but my mother doesn’t like her at all and won’t even speak to her.
Queenie, how do I manage all this?—Pulled 2 ways
Dear Pulled 2 ways,
It is okay for you to love both people, but it is not okay for either of them to try to get you to take sides against the other, and if either one of them does this they are totally wrong. However, if it comes to that, your loyalty should be with your mother, as you are in her custody.
Dear Queenie,
One night when I was out with friends (all men) and I had too much to drink I showed my best friend some very intimate pictures of my wife. After the drinks wore off I was embarrassed that I showed him the pictures, but later we got to talking about our wives and I realized I kind of liked that he saw her that way and since then I keep thinking about showing him more pictures of her.
Queenie, is this normal? Why do I want to do it? I know my wife would be very angry.—Confused husband
Dear Husband,
This new inclination is very kinky and I agree that your wife would be furious if she knew what you had done and wanted to do again. If you value her goodwill and want to save your marriage, you must resist the urge. If necessary, get some professional counselling to help you deal with – and hopefully get over – it.
Dear Queenie,
My sister’s husband cheated on her several years ago, but she found out from some friends who saw him with the other woman. My sister didn’t break up with him over this and since then she has been trying to keep their marriage together, but he doesn’t seem to be sorry for what he did and doesn’t seem to have changed his ways and I just don’t like him anymore.
Queenie, how can I manage to be polite to him when the family all get together on holidays or other special occasions?—Angry sister-in-law
Dear Sister-in-law,
I know this will be difficult for you, but keep reminding yourself how much more difficult it was, and probably still is, for your sister. On occasions when your brother-in-law is present, avoid him as much as possible, and when you cannot do so, try to put your thoughts about his behaviour out of your mind and treat him as politely as you can manage – for your sister’s sake.
