Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I (both over 50) have been living together for almost 10 years and we want to get married, but her 25-year-old son gets upset every time we talk about it. I get along with him just fine, but he still gets upset when we talk about getting married.
I think we should just go ahead and get married and he will get used to the idea but his mother is afraid of what he might do if we do that. My girlfriend and I went for counselling about all this and we tried to get him to go too, but he refuses to even try it out.
Queenie, what more can we do?—Would-be husband
Dear Would-be husband,
Your girlfriend’s son apparently has some serious issues that he should deal with, but you say he refuses to do so. He also may be concerned about how your marriage to his mother would affect his rights to inheritance of any of her assets.
You and your girlfriend should get more counselling, plus some legal advice, to help her (and you) work out ways to deal with her son’s problems.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I recently moved into a new neighborhood and up to now we have only met our next-door neighbors.
Queenie, what would be a good way to meet some of the others?—Want to be friendly
Dear Want to be friendly,
Ask the neighbours you know to introduce you to some of the others. You could also invite the others over for coffee or a barbecue, all at once or a few at a time, whatever you can manage.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has very bad breath, so bad that it is uncomfortable to have a conversation with her closer than like across a table.
Queenie, should I say something to her about it?—Holding my breath
Dear Holding,
Yes. Tell her as sweetly as you can manage that she should see her dentist, because bad breath can be a symptom of gum disease which can cause loss of teeth and even bone loss, and can become very painful and expensive to treat.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and I had a quarrel over some little thing some years ago and have not gotten back together since then. Now she is getting married and I would like to attend the wedding and walk her down the aisle but I’m afraid that will not happen if we cannot make things up between us. Her mother and her fiance have talked to her about this, but so far she has not made up our quarrel.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about all this before the wedding?—Estranged father
Dear Father,
Given the stress of planning a wedding, your daughter may not be able to also deal with the complications of her relationship with you, but there is still time – and hope – for reconciliation.
Even if you cannot walk your daughter down the aisle, plan to attend her wedding unless you are specifically told not to do so. Your presence will show her that you still care for her in spite of the friction in your relationship.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is planning to get married about a year from now. She wants a destination wedding in a place that is very far from where we live. My wife and I do not have a lot of money and we told her how much we can give her toward her wedding, but we can’t afford the trip to where she wants to get married and we refuse to go into debt for it and we told her that, but she just said we should find a way to work it out.
Queenie, I’m afraid this is going to be a problem in our family. What do you suggest?—Not made of money
Dear Not made of money,
Tell your daughter that you will deduct the cost of the trip to her wedding from the amount you are going to give her toward the wedding, and if the cost of the trip is more than you were going to give her, tell her you just cannot afford the trip at all and if she wants to have you there when she gets married she will have to get married closer to where you live.
She probably will have objections to all this, but just tell her as sweetly as you can manage that you are not “made of money”; how much you can afford to spend on all this; that it is up to her to decide how the money will be used; and that whatever she decides, you wish her well.
