Dear Queenie,
I am my parents’ youngest child of six. Our oldest brother is 20. He graduated high school but didn’t go on to college and refused to even look for a job. He just sits around all day doing nothing and won’t even help around the house.
My parents both work and my next oldest brother got a job after he graduated from high school and I have a part-time job after school.
Queenie, what can we do to help our oldest brother?—Fed-up sibling
Dear Sibling,
Your brother may just be depressed, but he should be screened for mental and physical problems and possible drug and/or alcohol abuse. He may just need to be forced to support himself and take responsibility for finding his own place to live.
A professional counsellor can help him and all of you learn how to deal with whatever problem(s) he may have and how to motivate him to try to help himself do better.
Dear Queenie,
My father has always been a very religious man, obeying all the rules of our religion, but recently he has been doing some very strange things, very different from the way he has always behaved.
For example, he listens to music he always thought was “bad”, goes out at all hours for things he never used to do, says rude things to family and then says he was just joking, and getting into a relationship with a girl at church who used to be my cousin’s girlfriend.
She had some problems and went to him for counseling, but now they are a lot closer than counselor and counselee. He calls her his best friend and would rather be with her than with our family. My mother doesn’t like all this and has told him so, but he ignores all that and he gets mad if anyone tells him maybe he has some health or other problems.
Queenie, is there anything our family can do?—Worried son
Dear Son,
Your father may be going through a mid-life crisis or there may be some physical problem behind his behaviour. Try to get him to see your family doctor for a complete physical, and try to let the doctor know why you are so upset about your father’s behaviour. If you have a problem getting him to go for a check-up, maybe his religious leader can help persuade him to do it.
Dear Queenie,
When my grandmother died one of my cousins expected all of us cousins to get together and buy an expensive bunch of flowers for the funeral. I went along with it because I didn’t want to cause any hard feelings, but I thought it was a strange request because I thought it was other people who sent flowers to the bereaved family in condolence.
Queenie, was this correct?—Grandchild in mourning
Dear Grandchild,
You were both correct. People often send flowers to someone in mourning as condolence, in remembrance of the lost loved one, as you said. However, is it also common for bereaved relatives to arrange for flowers at the funeral.
And please accept my sympathy for your loss.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in high school and ever since I’ve been in school I see that the teachers always have favorite students.
Queenie, how can I get to be one of them?—Just another student
Dear Student,
There are many reasons teachers have favourite students. The student may remind the teacher of someone they love, or of themself when they were young, and/or the student may be exceptionally well-behaved in comparison to the rest of the class, and/or may do (or try to do) very well with the classwork – which is what you should be doing.
Dear Queenie,
My sister keeps suggesting that she will share the cost of buying someone a gift. I think it’s just because she doesn’t want all the bother of shopping for a gift, wrapping it, getting a card and then sending or delivering it.
Queenie, what’s a polite way to refuse to go in together on a gift?—Annoyed brother
Dear Brother,
Try to shop for the gift before your sister approaches you about it, and then tell her you have already purchased the gift. You can also give her a suggestion as to what gift she might want to give the person.
