Dear Queenie,
I found out that my husband was having an affair with a co-worker and he promised to end it and I am sure he did, but I just can’t get over what he did, no matter how hard he promises not to ever do anything like that again.
Queenie, how can I learn to trust him again and go on being married to him like before?—Heartbroken wife
Dear Wife,
Not being able to trust your spouse is very damaging to a marriage, or to any relationship for that matter. Professional marriage counselling would help you learn to deal with all this.
Ask your family doctor, or clergyperson if you are religious, to refer you to a marriage counsellor. It would be best if your husband goes with you for counselling, but if he will not, go by yourself to get the help you need.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law, who is in her 80s, has lived in an apartment in our house for many years. Now that our children are grown up, my wife and I would like to move to a smaller house, but what about her mother?—Son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
So, while your children were growing up it was great to have Grandma right there – to help out with baby-sitting? But now that you and the children do not need her anymore she is just extra baggage?
At her age, it probably will be difficult for your mother-in-law to adjust to new living arrangements. And bear in mind that when you get older your children may treat you the way they have seen you treat their grandmother.
Perhaps it would be best for you to wait a while longer before you make any changes to your living situation.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who likes to hold parties for all our group of friends, but it’s always pot-luck with each of us bringing a particular item of food or beverage.
Queenie, it’s not as if we can’t afford to do it, but shouldn’t the hostess be the one who provides the food and drinks?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Your friend may not be as financially well-off as the rest of you, and if so, the only way she can afford to play hostess is to make the get-togethers potluck. If you enjoy them, go along with it.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend has 2 grownup children who still live with her and she supports them and they don’t even try to move out or live on their own.
Queenie, how can I persuade her that they need to do learn to do better?—Worried boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
Ask your girlfriend who will take care of her if (when) she is no longer able to take care of herself, and what will become of her children if (when) she is no longer able (or there) to support and take care of them. These are matters to which she should give some serious thought.
Dear Queenie,
My grandson is very smart. He reads grownup books and does math and science on a high school or college level. But his mother, my daughter, just thinks the other kids his age will catch up with him sooner or later.
Queenie, how can I get her to understand that her son needs special attention, just as if he was retarded or had a physical problem?—Worried grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
Talk to the teachers and principal of your grandson’s school. They can explain to his mother, your daughter, what his special needs are, and help her see to it that those needs are met. To start with, they may want to place him in advanced classes, if they have not done so already.
