Dear Queenie,
When I retired I moved to a new home in a place I have always loved but didn’t know anyone there. There aren’t many activities for us older folks and I haven’t met many people or made any new friends.
Queenie, I really don’t want to move back to where I used to live. What can you suggest?—Retired senior citizen
Dear Retiree,
Join a church of whatever faith you grew up in, or a social organisation that deals in things that interest you, or any volunteer group that can make good use of the skills you have developed.
These do not have to be only “senior” groups – people of all ages can become your friends and you may have a lot to offer to the younger ones.
Dear Queenie,
My son is a high school graduate, but he has no plans to go to college and doesn’t even try to get a job, he just stays in his room and plays on his computer. He doesn’t do drugs and like I said, he never goes out at night or any time.
Queenie, we can’t just throw him out to live on the street. What can we do?—Concerned Dad
Dear Dad,
Your son’s behaviour is more than laziness or being spoiled, there is a possibility of mental illness here. However, he may refuse help if you offer it, so consult your family physician who can suggest sources of help for both you and your son.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is divorced. He has a couple of kids and his ex, their mother, has custody. His ex is not someone we want to socialize with but she is there at all the kids’ activities – sports, birthday parties, things like that, but she also keeps showing up at my boyfriend’s family’s gatherings, even if she wasn’t invited and we were the ones that brought the kids, and we don’t want to say anything that will hurt the kids.
Queenie, what can we do about this?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
There is not much you can do except put up with it for the children’s sake, as you said. Eventually, when the children are older (maybe when they are grown up and out on their own) it probably will be less of a problem for you. Until then, as I said, you will just have to put up with it – for the children’s sake.
Dear Queenie,
When my husband is in a bad mood he yells at me and blames me for whatever is bothering him. He says it must be my fault because he doesn’t feel that way when I’m not around.
Queenie, what can I do about the way he treats me?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
Verbal abuse is when someone yells at you, blames you for what he does and does not care about how you feel – the kind of behaviour you have described.
Professional counselling for the two of you together might help, but if you cannot persuade your husband to go with you, go by yourself to get help learning how to deal with his behaviour – and how much longer you are willing to put up with it.
Dear Queenie,
When I found out my wife was having an affair we went to a marriage counsellor, but my wife quit the counselling after just a couple of sessions.
She says she wants us to stay married and if I thought I could trust her not to do it any more so would I, but I don’t want to risk having this go on or happen again with someone else.
Queenie, what should I do?—Angry husband
Dear Husband,
If your wife truly wants to save your marriage she will go with you for counselling and do what the counsellor advises. If she will not do all this, you should continue the counselling on your own to help you learn to deal with the situation, and you should also get legal counselling to help you deal with whatever comes next.
