Dear Queenie,
I’ve known my boyfriend and his sister since we were all in school and my boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years now. In all the time I’ve known him and his sister, when we’re all at a party he dances with his sister. He says it’s because she’s a good dancer and she can’t find good partners.
I want him to dance with me too sometimes but she gets mad at him when he dances with me instead of her.
Queenie, I wish he would dance with one of us or the other, but not both. What do you think?—Dancing girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Arguing with your boyfriend about his dancing with his sister makes you look jealous and will spoil any friendly relationship you have with his sister. He may prefer to dance with his sister because she is a better dancer than you are.
The best thing would be if he dances an equal number of times with each of you, but, as I said, making an issue of this will only make you look bad – and it could spoil things between you and your boyfriend.
Dear Queenie,
A member of our family asked us not to have any more contact with her. Both of her parents have passed away and we are the only family she has left.
Queenie, what should we do?—Worried relatives
Dear Relatives,
Assuming this relative is not under pressure from an abusive boyfriend or husband who wants to isolate her, you should do as she asks. However, be sure to tell her that you care about her and that you will be there for her if/when she ever wants to get in touch again.
Dear Queenie,
I have been divorced for several years, but my mother still includes my ex-husband in family gatherings even though I have asked her not to.
Queenie, what do you think about this?—Divorcee
Dear Divorcee,
If you were married for a long time, and especially if you and your ex have children together, I can understand why your mother still considers him part of the family and I can understand why she includes him in events where the children will be present. However, you can ask her not to do so every time, and I see no reason for his presence if his children are not there.
And if your mother is still fond of him, I see no reason to object to her socialising with him when you are not present.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter never calls me, not even when she decided to get married. She posted it on Facebook but I only found out when my brother called and asked me what I thought about it.
Queenie, what do you think of this?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
I think you need to explain to your daughter that this kind of news should be told to her immediate family personally, at least by a phone call if not in person. She should apologise to you and try to do better in the future.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 7 years and we have 2 children together, but he has cheated on me, does drugs, can’t keep a job and sometimes he gets abusive and he even got arrested for it one time.
I only stay with him for the kids’ sake, but I’m not sure that is the best thing to do.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Unhappy mother
Dear Unhappy mother,
Staying in a relationship like this “for the kids’ sake” is not the best thing for you to do, for the children or for yourself. I advise you to break up with this man as soon as you can find a way to do so safely.
