Dear Queenie,
When we visit our daughter and her husband they turn on the TV but never ask us what we would like to see and they get themselves snacks but never offer to get us anything. When they are fixing dinner they never ask us what we would like to have to eat and drink.
Queenie, what kind of way is this to treat your guests?—Offended parents/in-laws
Dear Offended,
Your daughter and son-in-law are treating you like family, the way you and his parents treated them when they were growing up.
Feel free to ask – as pleasantly as you can manage – for what you want and need if it is not offered freely and promptly.
Dear Queenie,
Our teenage son is always on his phone talking to someone or playing with one of the apps. Sometimes he doesn’t get his homework done because he was busy on his phone and sometimes he doesn’t wake up in the morning when the alarm clock goes off because he was up so late the night before playing on his phone, and then he gets to school late.
We don’t want problems with the school or other authorities because of all this.
Queenie, what can we do?—Worried parents
Dear Parents,
You have to set some rules about your son’s phone use and make him stick to them. Take his phone away when it is time for him to do his homework and do not let him have it back until the homework is done. Then take it away again at bedtime and do not let him have it back until he gets up in the morning and is ready to go to school.
I am willing to bet that the prospect of getting his phone back at these times will motivate him to do what is required of him in a timely manner.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a middle-aged divorced man who has no intention of getting married again, but it seems all the women I meet and go out with are mainly interested in finding a husband.
Queenie, how do I find women who are interested in going out with me, but not any long-term commitment?—Not interested in marriage
Dear Not interested in marriage,
If you have a dating profile, you should make that statement part of your profile, and repeat as necessary during any personal contact. Make it plain from the time you meet a woman that you will not change your mind about this (and hope that she will believe it).
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going out with this man for almost a year and he has asked me to marry him, but up to now he hasn’t met my parents. I have met his family but he keeps avoiding any chance to meet mine.
My parents are not happy about this and they wonder what kind of man he is to avoid them this way.
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Like your parents, I wonder what kind of man this is who wants to marry you but not to meet your family. I think you should be very slow about making plans for the future with him until you have learned a lot more about what kind of man he is and why he is avoiding meeting your family.
Dear Queenie,
When my daughter-in-law had a baby I tried to help her out and I learned a lot about what kind of help new mothers really need. It’s not enough to hold the baby when he/she cries.
If there are older children, help with them – dress them, feed them, take them out, keep them busy when their mother is taking care of the new baby. Help with the housework and the cooking for the rest of the family. Do the grocery shopping, and be sure to ask the new mother for a list of what she wants you to buy.
Queenie, this will mean so much more to her than any cute baby gifts you give her.—Helpful mother-in-law
Dear Helpful,
Thank you for your suggestions. I am sure your daughter-in-law really appreciated the help you gave her.
