Dear Queenie,
Sometimes my husband doesn’t zip up his fly all the way, or even forgets to zip it up at all.
Queenie, should I try to do something about this or just ignore it? And what about when we’re in public and people are noticing?—Embarrassed wife
Dear Wife,
If this is a recent (mis)behaviour, make sure your husband sees his doctor for a check-up and make sure the doctor knows what is worrying you.
Meanwhile, work out a signal with your husband to tell him in public that his fly is open, or, if necessary, take him aside and tell him to zip it up.
Dear Queenie,
A couple of years ago I had an affair with someone where I work. It’s been over for more than a year, but recently he started showing interest in starting up with me again. I’m married now and I just don’t want to get involved with him again at all.
Queenie, how do I make him understand that I’m just not interested any more?—Ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
You may have to spell your feelings out to this Romeo in simple terms, and if your husband ever picks you up from work, find a way to let Romeo see him and maybe even introduce them to each other. If necessary, you may have to report this to Human Resources, if your workplace has such a department.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s daughter (my stepdaughter) never finished her education, had several children with various boyfriends but never got married and has always depended on her father to help her out when she has financial problems.
He always tried to give her good advice about her problems, but she never listened, she just counted on him to help her when she needed it until he died a few years ago, and now she depends on me.
Queenie, now I am getting old, I have retired and am living on my pension. How long am I obliged to keep helping her out?—Ageing stepmother
Dear Stepmother,
You apparently have been fairly close to your stepdaughter over the years and now you are the only parent she has left. As you are getting older it would be good if you could rely on her to help you out when you need it, but obviously that is not how things are between you.
There must be some organisations in your area that could give her (some of) the kind of help you have been providing, and her children must be adults by now. So it is time for them to start taking on responsibility for their mother. And those same organisations should be there for you if/when you need their help.
Dear Queenie,
My first marriage ended because I couldn’t put up with the way my (ex-) husband was treating me. He wanted to control everything I did and got abusive when he thought I wasn’t doing things the way he wanted.
Now I am married to a wonderful man who treats me very well and makes me very happy, but sometimes I still remember my ex and kind of miss him. I would never want to get back together with him, but I still think about him sometimes.
Queenie, is there something wrong with me?—I’m happy now
Dear Happy Now,
There must have some good times with your ex, and time has a way of dimming our memories of the bad times, so what is staying with you is the good (or less bad) memories.
Do not let these memories trouble you, just try to concentrate on the good times you are having now.
Dear Queenie,
I got married in my late teens, but it only lasted a couple of years. Now, 10 years later, I am engaged to be married again. My fiancee knows about my previous marriage.
Queenie, her parents are coming to visit soon. Do I have to tell them about it?—Disclosure Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Sooner or later – before the wedding! – you should tell your fiancee’s parents that this is not your first marriage. This visit would be a good time to do so. If they start asking you a lot of questions about it, just tell them it was over and done with a long time ago and you do not like to talk about it, but you did not want them to think you were keeping it a secret from them.
