Dear Queenie,
My husband talks dirty and grabs me whenever he feels like it, sometimes so hard it hurts. I’ve asked him not to do it, but he still does, even in front of our children.
I stay with him because I depend on him financially and because of the children.
Queenie, would you call this abuse? If so, what do you recommend?—Harassed wife
Dear Wife,
See your family doctor, with your husband, for the things that are painful for you. And consult a professional counsellor, with your husband if you can persuade him to go with you, about the other behaviour that makes you unhappy.
Dear Queenie,
My wife died many years ago and I have been alone ever since. Recently I met a woman who seems a lot like her, but she has heart problems and even had to be in the hospital for a while.
Queenie, she says she loves me but I can’t tell if she really cares for me or she is just looking for someone who will take care of her with all her health problems. What do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Do not let this woman rush you into making any commitment you may end up regretting. You should know her – and her health problems – for quite a while before you make any commitment to her. Keep on seeing her if you wish, but be sure she understands that you will not make any commitment to her until you have known each other for a long time. And if her heart problems are all that serious, she may not live that long.
Dear Queenie,
My (ex-) husband and I got divorced, but we still live together for financial reasons, with separate bedrooms. My problem is that sometimes when he has a date he brings the woman home for a while and sometimes they get intimate and even go into his bedroom, and I find it embarrassing.
Queenie, what can I do?—Embarrassed ex
Dear Ex,
Explain your problem to your ex and ask him if he and his date cannot go to her place instead. If this is not possible (probably because she also does not live alone) ask him to let you know ahead of time so you can arrange to stay somewhere else for the evening (or even the whole night) so he and his date can have more privacy and you can be spared the embarrassment.
Dear Queenie,
I enjoy reading your columns, especially the more humorous ones.
Anyway, I’d like to hear your thoughts on a personal topic. What advice do you have for young people who grew up with highly religious parents and are now frightened to speak up for themselves as adults because they don’t want to “dishonor” their parents or have curses cast upon them because they want to be their own person, making decisions without guilt and shame?
Queenie, I look forward to hearing from you.—Tired church girl
Dear Church girl,
As long as you are living with your parents and presumably supported by them, you have an obligation to respect and abide by their religious beliefs and practices.
Once you are living on your own and are financially independent, you should be free to have and practise your own beliefs, but you should still have – and show! – respect for those of others, especially your parents. And I hope your parents will do the same for you if your beliefs differ from theirs in any way.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine was given a card for her car to use “handicapped” parking places after she had surgery a couple of years ago. Now she has completely recovered but she still uses the card and the special parking.
Queenie, this does’t seem right to me. Should I say something?—Offended friend
Dear Friend,
Most of these cards have an expiration date and sooner or later your friend will get a parking ticket for doing this.
If you are with her when she does it you can tell her you are surprised she is still using the card now that she does not need it any more, and that she has not been fined for doing so.
