Dear Queenie,
I’m a married man with children in high school, but my marriage is not as good as it used to be and I have been waiting for the kids to be grown up before I do anything about it.
Recently I met up with the woman who was my first girlfriend when I was in high school and she says her marriaage is not so good anymore too and, like me, she is just waiting for the kids to be grown up and out on their own, and we have been seeing each other.
Queenie, do you think we have a chance of making a good life together?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
I think you both should stop cheating on your spouses and concentrate on either making your marriages work or honestly breaking them up. Get professional counselling to help you decide whether you want preserve your marriage and, if so, how to do it, or would rather break up your marriage honestly and, if so, how to go about it.
Dear Queenie,
My father’s girlfriend who lives with him is going to have a baby. They already have 2 kids and they both have a job, so they have asked me to move in with them to take care of the children but I have just started a new job.
Queenie, if I don’t do what he asks, I’m afraid my father will just cut me off. What can I do?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Tell your father you will babysit now and then, but do not move in with him, his girlfriend and their children. Sometimes enough is too much!
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been living on my own since I was 18 (about 10 years). I have a good job, my own home, pay my own bills and I’m not in debt, but my mother keeps asking me to move back home with her so she can take care of me.
Queenie, how can I get her to treat me like an independent adult?—Fed-up grown-up child.
Dear Grown-up child,
Your mother may want you to come back to live with her more because she does not want to live alone than because she wants to take care of you. Try to be understanding, see as much of her as you can, but try to make her understand that if she keeps pressuring you this way she will be seeing less of you, not more.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve always been fat. I’ve tried to lose weight, but even when I managed to lose a few pounds it always came back pretty soon. I can’t afford weight-loss surgery and a friend has offered to help pay for it, but I know others will find out and make comments about it.
Queenie, what should I say when that happens?—Grateful friend
Dear Grateful friend,
If your and your helpful friend do not talk about it, perhaps no one will ever find out. However, if that does happen, just tell them you intend to repay your friend as soon as you can.
Dear Queenie,
My sister had an affair with a married man and now she is pregnant. What is worse is that she committed a crime and is going to be in prison when the baby is born.
My mother plans to take care of the child until my sister gets out of prison, but my wife and I would like to adopt the baby so that it will grow up in a stable home, which my sister can’t give it until she gets out of prison and is not likely to be able to do so after she gets out.
Queenie, how can we make my mother understand that this decision should be according to what is best for the baby?—Worried Uncle-to-be
Dear Uncle-to-be,
Try to help your mother understand how much of a problem it will be for the child in the future to have to go to live with someone they do not know, from whom they have been separated for all their life, and who has no prospects for being able to take proper care of them. In a case like this, the present and future needs of the child should come first.
