Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend says he is committed to our relationship and I am the only woman he ever wants and we have talked about getting married, but he still keeps on looking at dating sites on his computer.
Queenie, he says he loves me and I’m the only woman he ever wants, so why does he still do this and how can I get him to stop?—Angry girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Apparently your idea of a “committed relationship” and your boyfriend’s are not quite the same, and/or he is not very good at telling the truth.
If he were really ready to get married, with all the related limitations on his behaviour, he would not be online looking at/for other available women.
Dear Queenie,
When my son got married many years ago he and his wife were both working full time and they made it a rule that we and her family would not just stop by and visit any time we felt like it. In all these years they hardly ever invited us over for any occasion, like a birthday party, but I know they have had her family over much more often. Even our grandchildren have noticed the difference and want to know why they don’t see us as much as their other grandparents.
Queenie, what can we tell them?—Feeling rejected
Dear Feeling rejected,
Leave your grandchildren out of this conversation. Talk to your son and daughter-in-law and ask them if they have some problem with you and if so, what you can do about it. Meanwhile, you can arrange to have the children visit you at your home and/or take them on pleasant outings.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I recently moved into a new neighborhood and up to now we have only met our next-door neighbors.
Queenie, what would be a good way to meet some of the others?—Want to be friendly
Dear Want to be friendly,
Ask the neighbours you know to introduce you to some of the others. You could also invite the others over for coffee or a barbecue, all at once or a few at a time, whatever you can manage.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I (both over 50) have been living together for almost 10 years and we want to get married, but her 25-year-old son gets upset every time we talk about it. I get along with him just fine, but he still gets upset when we talk about getting married.
I think we should just go ahead and get married and he will get used to the idea but his mother is afraid of what he might do if we do that. My girlfriend and I went for counselling about all this and we tried to get him to go too, but he refuses to even try it out.
Queenie, what more can we do?—Would-be husband
Dear Would-be husband,
Your girlfriend’s son apparently has some serious issues that he should deal with, but you say he refuses to do so. He also may be concerned about how your marriage to his mother would affect his rights to inheritance of any of her assets.
You and your girlfriend should get more counselling, plus some legal advice, to help her (and you) work out ways to deal with her son’s problems.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and I had a quarrel over some little thing some years ago and have not gotten back together since then. Now she is getting married and I would like to attend the wedding and walk her down the aisle but I’m afraid that will not happen if we cannot make things up between us. Her mother and her fiance have talked to her about this, but so far she has not made up our quarrel.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about all this before the wedding?—Estranged father
Dear Father,
Given the stress of planning a wedding, your daughter may not be able to also deal with the complications of her relationship with you, but there is still time – and hope – for reconciliation.
Even if you cannot walk your daughter down the aisle, plan to attend her wedding unless you are specifically told not to do so. Your presence will show her that you still care for her in spite of the friction in your relationship.
