Dear Queenie,
I have three daughters. One of them is grown up and out on her own, one is in high school and one is in second grade.
I spend an occasional night with my boyfriend, leaving my youngest daughter with one of her sisters which she seems to enjoy, but I would like to spend a whole weekend with him or even go with him on a short vacation, but based on how things were for him growing up, he says I shouldn’t be away from my youngest daughter for that long.
Queenie, how can I convince him that it would be okay?—I need a break
Dear I need a break,
Explain to your boyfriend how different things are in your family from the way things were for him when he was a child.
Your boyfriend may have other reasons for not spending more time with you and you need to find out what those reasons are, because I think you need to know a lot more about him.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is a very nice person, but I have heard bad things about her sister and I would like to know the truth about her, but my wife and her family never talk about her. I tried looking her up on the Internet and saw a lot of bad stuff, but you can’t believe everything you see there.
I’m afraid my wife will get mad at me if I try to talk to her about her sister.
Queenie, what can I do?—Curious husband
Dear Husband,
Tell your wife you were curious about her sister and found some bad things on the Internet and would like to know what is the truth about her. If you trust your wife, you can tell from her response what the truth is about her sister.
Dear Queenie,
All my father-in-law ever talks about is himself. He never asks anyone else how they are feeling or what they have been doing. He doesn’t get along with his wife’s family and never sees them, she goes alone to visit them.
Queenie, if I had realized how things are with her family I never would have married my wife!—Fed-up son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
I feel sorry for your father-in-law. Apparently he does not know how to make friends or get people to like him. He must be very unhappy. And I have to wonder why his wife married him.
Dear Queenie,
I used to have lunch every day with a friend at work, but recently he has been ignoring me and talking to someone else who is known for having lots of “friends”. He says he wants us to still be friends, but he is destroying our friendship.
Queenie, how can I keep on being friends with him?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
Is your friend aware of his new friend’s reputation? You can mention your concern for him, but then let it go. Apparently he is willing to take a chance on being hurt and if you press the matter you may be the one he ends things with. Maybe it is time you also looked for other friendships.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine was badly injured when a man broke into his home and beat him up while he was robbing him. My friend’s only relative is a son who lives far away. I keep in touch with him and he says it’s up to his father to make decisions for himself as long as he can, and my friend’s doctors say he is able to do so.
My friend is still recovering, but he mostly has to stay in bed and he is very depressed. I check on him every day and he hardly eats anything, just wants to stay in bed, smoke and drink rum until he dies. I don’t want to help him die by giving him things like tobacco and liquor, but if I don’t he will just live longer in misery. To get well, he needs stop smoking and drinking, eat good food and get some exercise, and he thinks he just can’t do all that.
Queenie, am I wrong to do for him what he wants?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
I would say you are being compassionate, but the fact is that no matter what he may say, your friend is committing suicide slowly with all his smoking and drinking. And also, smoking and drinking in bed is risking having a fire.
You cannot force your friend to do what he needs to do to get better, but do your best to persuade him to do it.
