Dear Queenie,
There is this boy at school who is always harassing me. I put up with it this last year of high school because I expected to be going away to college and I thought I’d get away from him. But now it turns out that he’s going to the same college I am.
Queenie, help!—Harassed
Dear Harassed,
Colleges in the States are much bigger than our local schools, and it is entirely possible that you can attend school there for four years and rarely or never come in contact with this boy. And hopefully, he will be too busy with his studies to seek you out, and/or will have matured beyond this kind of childish behaviour.
However, if he continues to harass when you get to college, contact the head of the security department and explain your problem to him (or her!). Colleges in the United States are usually sensitive to this kind of thing and your harasser could find himself in serious trouble for this kind of behaviour.
Keep a written record of any incidents of harassment. Note date, time place, who was there, what was said and what was done. If you can, make recordings of them. Then, if the college security doesn’t take effective action, file a formal complaint with the city’s police department.
Good luck in your college career.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law gave me a dress for my birthday that is just too much! It’s the right size, but I would never wear anything like that. Even my husband laughed when he saw it.
I thanked her for her gift, but I can’t help wondering if she was trying to make a comment about my style of dressing.
Queenie, what do you think?—Insulted daughter-in-law
Dear Insulted daughter-in-law,
Don’t be so quick to take offence. Most people, when they are buying a gift for someone, tend to choose something they themselves would like to receive.
To forestall any question about why you never wear her gift, wear it once in her presence – perhaps when she comes to visit you, so you don’t have to wear it where anyone else can see you. Maybe when she sees it on you, she will realise how inappropriate it is for you.
On the other hand, you may be able to tell from what she says when she sees the dress on you whether she was commenting on your preferred style of clothing.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going with this girl since we were in high school and I gave her an engagement ring last year. Her parents like me and my parents like her and they all get upset if we have an argument.
The problem is, I don’t think I am ready to get married and I’m not sure any more that she is the one I want to marry when I am ready. I have never dated anyone but her, so how can I tell if maybe there could be someone else I would like better? But how do I break it off with her without starting a big war?
Queenie, I wish she would break up with me and be done with it, but how do I get her to do it? And how do I get my ring back? I paid a lot of money for it—Changed my mind
Dear Changed my mind,
You tell your fiancée the truth and hope she takes it well. Then you – hopefully both of you – tell your families you have called off the wedding, and why.
You don’t get the ring back unless your fiancée is feeling very generous. It isn’t your ring, it’s hers. It was a gift you gave her to mark your engagement, and she has kept her side of the bargain. By the same token, you are not required to return any gifts she has given you.
Dear Queenie,
One of the guys in a group I hang out with never has anything nice to say about anything unless he had something to do with it. I know he is rather insecure and I want to stay on good terms with him, but his attitude is getting tiresome.
Queenie, should I talk to him about all this?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Because you are aware of his insecurity, try to be kind. When he insults you, just tell him that you know that he hates to give anyone a compliment, but you are still his friend.
Dear Queenie,
Why does everybody always blame the man if a woman gets pregnant? It’s a man’s nature to have lots of women and they are always getting pregnant on purpose so they can keep a man. The stupid fools don’t understand that just because a man sleeps with them doesn’t mean he cares about what happens after.
What about when a woman says she’s on the pill and then, oh my, she’s pregnant because she “forgot” to take it? What if a man uses a condom, but it breaks, or the woman tears a hole in it with her fingernails “accidentally”?
Queenie, be fair!—Tomcat
Dear Tomcat,
I agree with you that a woman should take her share of the responsibility for making sure she doesn’t have any children she doesn’t want and/or can’t afford to raise. In this day and age, with all the contraceptive methods available, there is no excuse for either a man or a woman to make a baby if he or she doesn’t want to.
If a man doesn’t want to take responsibility for a child, it is up to him to make sure he doesn’t get a woman pregnant “by accident.” If he leaves it totally up to a woman who may be trying to “catch” him by having his baby, he is just as much a stupid fool as you say she is.
After all, it’s a dog’s nature to have fleas and to mark his territory by urinating on it. But a dog can learn to wear a flea collar and to not make messes in the house. Are you saying a man can’t rise above “his nature” at least as much as a house-trained dog?
