Dear Queenie,
A few years ago, I was involved with a guy who I came to find out was having a baby with his so called “close friend.” I was devastated because he always told me she was a close family friend for years and that he did favors for her by babysitting her kids from time to time.
I was not interested in being in a love triangle or being cheated with or being cheated on, so I left him. After a few months, he contacted me saying that things did not work out and that he was still interested in me. I did not want to have anything to do with this guy. He kept persisting and said he was only with her for the sake of his daughter.
I was sceptical, so I met his woman. She was hurt, surprised and furious. I could clearly see that he was the apple of her eye, he could do no wrong.
He was seeing us both at the same time. She never knew of my relationship with him. Unfortunately, I came to find out that I was in the “other woman” category because she mentioned their times together, but he never bothered to include me in his family or friends’ affairs.
He blamed me for the difficult times he experienced after I talked to her. After a few years, we saw each other again, and he wanted us to be friends. I was not having that, because I did not want any trouble with anyone. I learned that they reconciled and are still going strong. I have talked to him a few times and told him not to call me.
What aggravates me the most is that he still goes around telling people how I was the one who did not want to accept the fact that what we had was over. I receive the blame up until this day and I am the recipient of rude remarks and unpleasant encounters with his female friends. As far as I know, he is in a committed relationship with his woman. I already apologized to her for my involvement even though it was not my fault.
Queenie, why do people always blame women for the disrespectful behavior of their own partners?—Clear conscience
Dear Clear conscience,
Because it is easier for them to blame “the other woman” than to admit to themselves that their partner/relative/friend could behave in such a despicable manner.
Anyone who knows you well should believe your side of the story. Why should you care about the opinions of strangers?
Dear Queenie,
A friend of ours who has a lot of friends got engaged a couple of months ago and the other day we all received a note from his fiancée asking us to contribute money for the surprise birthday party `she is planning for him.
Queenie, how to deal with such an outlandish request?—Flabbergasted
Dear Flabbergasted,
Reply in writing to this bad-mannered woman, telling her that you have other plans for the day and are unable to contribute to the occasion.
Do you think your friend knows what his fiancée is up to? If he does not, you might want to send the birthday boy a gift with a note apologising for your failure to contribute to and absence from the event his fiancée was planning. He should have the chance to prevent her from alienating his friends with this kind of behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
I belong to a church social group of about a dozen women. One of the women talks all the time and never lets anyone else get in a word. If you try to interrupt her she just goes right on talking.
Last week my husband and I went to a church concert and she came and sat with us and talked the whole time, even during the performances.
It’s so bad I’m thinking of just dropping out of the group.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
At the concert you would not have been rude to tell her to hush up, because you were trying to listen to the performance.
As for the social group, someone – perhaps the minister, if you think she will heed what he says (does she talk during his sermons?) – should take this woman aside and explain to her that she must give everyone else a chance to talk.
If that does not do the trick, feel free to just walk away when you have had enough of her chatter – all of you in a group, if the others feel the same way you do. And if she follows you, you have my permission to tell her, “Shut up, Motormouth, I/we want to hear what these other ladies have to say.”
Dear Queenie,
A friend of ours who has a lot of friends got engaged a couple of months ago and the other day we all received a note from his fiancée asking us to contribute money for the surprise birthday party `she is planning for him.
Queenie, how to deal with such an outlandish request?—Flabbergasted
Dear Flabbergasted,
Reply in writing to this bad-mannered woman, telling her that you have other plans for the day and are unable to contribute to the occasion.
Do you think your friend knows what his fiancée is up to? If he does not, you might want to send the birthday boy a gift with a note apologising for your failure to contribute to and absence from the event his fiancée was planning. He should have the chance to prevent her from alienating his friends with this kind of behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
I belong to a church social group of about a dozen women. One of the women talks all the time and never lets anyone else get in a word. If you try to interrupt her she just goes right on talking.
Last week my husband and I went to a church concert and she came and sat with us and talked the whole time, even during the performances.
It’s so bad I’m thinking of just dropping out of the group.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
At the concert you would not have been rude to tell her to hush up, because you were trying to listen to the performance.
As for the social group, someone – perhaps the minister, if you think she will heed what he says (does she talk during his sermons?) – should take this woman aside and explain to her that she must give everyone else a chance to talk.
If that does not do the trick, feel free to just walk away when you have had enough of her chatter – all of you in a group, if the others feel the same way you do. And if she follows you, you have my permission to tell her, “Shut up, Motormouth, I/we want to hear what these other ladies have to say.”
