Dear Queenie,
Our father began drinking after our mother died and he gets drunk every day.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he just stayed home drinking, but he goes out and about driving and we’re afraid he will get into an accident and hurt himself or somebody else.
Queenie, what can we do to make him to stop drinking so much or at least stop driving when he has been drinking?—Worried children
Dear Worried children,
You cannot make him do anything. Your father must recognise that he has a problem and want to deal with it.
Contact the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous (see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper or www.12stepforums.net online) for advice on dealing with your father and his problem. They probably will refer you to Al-Anon, which you also can contact online at www.al-anon.alateen.org .
You also might want to alert the police when you know your father is driving drunk. Getting arrested and losing his driver’s licence would stop him from driving (if he does not just go ahead and drive without a licence) and might persuade him that he has a serious problem.
Dear Queenie,
Our father began drinking after our mother died and he gets drunk every day.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he just stayed home drinking, but he goes out and about driving and we’re afraid he will get into an accident and hurt himself or somebody else.
Queenie, what can we do to make him to stop drinking so much or at least stop driving when he has been drinking?—Worried children
Dear Worried children,
You cannot make him do anything. Your father must recognise that he has a problem and want to deal with it.
Contact the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous (see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper or www.12stepforums.net online) for advice on dealing with your father and his problem. They probably will refer you to Al-Anon, which you also can contact online at www.al-anon.alateen.org .
You also might want to alert the police when you know your father is driving drunk. Getting arrested and losing his driver’s licence would stop him from driving (if he does not just go ahead and drive without a licence) and might persuade him that he has a serious problem.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. Things were just great at first but now they're not.
He has this thing about sports. He has to watch his favourite teams every time they play and I'm not supposed to interrupt him because he might miss something, like some player scratching his crotch or spitting on the field or whatever.
There are so many games he doesn't have any time left over for me. It's almost as bad as if he had another woman.
Queenie, how can I get him to understand how this affects our relationship?—Sports widow
Dear Sports widow,
Apparently your boyfriend has become so accustomed to having you around that he has started taking you for granted. You could try smashing the TV set or cutting off the cable TV, but he'd probably just go out to a sports bar or casino to watch and you'd still be left alone, without even a TV for company.
If you can find a time when he isn't glued to a game, try to talk to him about this. If that doesn't work, tell him you want to take a break from the relationship and kick him out (or leave, if you're living in his house or apartment).
Then, if your absence from his life doesn't bring him to his senses, consider yourself lucky to be rid of him and start looking for someone who shares your interests and considers you more important than anything else in his life.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I got together after he broke up with his former girlfriend. Things were just great for a while, but then they made up and got back together.
Even after they were back together he still stayed in touch with me and I would see him now and then.
Now he says he wants us to be together again, but he has some things he has to work out.
Queenie, what should I do? Should I wait for him?—Impatient
Dear Impatient,
Wait for what? For him to get together with you and then decide he wants to be with his former girlfriend – or maybe someone else?
Either this guy doesn't know what he wants, or wants whatever he can't have, or wants to have his cake (his former girlfriend) and eat it too (have you, and God only knows how many others, on the side).
Whatever way you look at him, this guy is bad news.
Dear Queenie,
I'm studying abroad and my girlfriend is going to college at home. We decided to have a sort of open relationship – we could date other people but we set certain limits, like no sex with anyone else but each other.
When I was home on vacation she admitted that she got drunk once and had sex with her date. She feels very guilty and says she still loves me, but I know I didn't have sex with anyone while I was away and I had lots of chances.
Queenie, should I forgive her? And how can I trust her after this?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Apparently you can trust her as long as she stays sober. The question is, can you trust her not to get drunk? More to the point, can you trust her not to drink at all? Because apparently she loses control when she starts drinking.
As for forgiving her, by all means. Forgiveness is a virtue, and is good for one's soul. Whether you should stay with her is another question, which only you can answer. If you have doubts, take a break from the relationship and see how you both feel about it.
