Dear Queenie,
My husband and I got married quietly at the Census Office because we couldn’t afford a big wedding. Things are going better now and we are planning to have the wedding reception we couldn’t afford back then. We aren’t looking for gifts, we just want to celebrate our marriage.
Queenie, how do we get that message across without looking tactless?—Bride for a year now
Dear Bride,
Do not call your celebration a wedding reception; call it a “renewal of vows” or an “anniversary party” because that is really what it is. Even so, some of your guests will bring gifts or “hostess gifts,” so accept them with thanks and make sure everyone has a good time.
Dear Queenie,
I always get a lot of attention and compliments from men, even when I’m with my boyfriend. The problem is it makes him jealous and insecure.
Queenie, how do I make him understand that I’m not interested in anybody else?—Attractive girlfriend
Dear Attractive,
First make sure you are not behaving in a way that invites, or at least does not discourage such attention. Then, make a point of telling your boyfriend – often – how much you care for him and why.
And good luck!
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law is a widow with limited means from the savings her late husband left her. She can’t make it on her own and depends on her children and they all agreed to pitch in to help.
The problem is one brother hasn’t yet given her a penny and in fact asked her for money which she gave him out of what the rest of them had given her, but we see him out and about all the time spending money on cigarettes and expensive dinners and restaurants and even going to adult clubs.
Queenie, if he can afford all that, why can’t he help his mother too, instead of asking her for money?—Angry daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
I do not blame you for being angry. Your brother-in-law is clearly selfish and irresponsible and if indeed he also promised to chip in obviously his word is no good.
However, it is up to his siblings (and his wife, if he is married) to demand that he man up and chip in his fair share instead of making things harder for his mother. They also should try to persuade their mother to stop giving him money she cannot afford.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years, since a few weeks after his wife died. He still keeps his own home although we live together in my house.
My children like him just fine, but his kids treat me like dirt and when he does things with them they leave me out entirely.
Queenie, what should I do? I don’t want to be alone and it’s hard to find a good man.—Discouraged
Dear Discouraged,
There are worse things than being alone, and one of them is being treated like dirt.
I can understand why his children do not like you if he got together with you while they were still mourning their mother’s passing, However, it is time he demands that they at least treat you with respect. If he will not do that, nothing will change, and if the situation makes you so unhappy you should consider getting out of it.
Dear Queenie,
In some feedback you advise to contact marriage counsellors.
Queenie, could you assist with the contact info of those you have? Thanks.—Fan
Dear Fan,
I do not give out referrals. However, if it is marital counselling you want and you belong to a church, your pastor might be able to help you, or give you a referral.
Or you could get referrals from your family doctor or the Women’s Desk (Hope Estate Road #4, tel. 542-7940, fax 542-7941) or Safe Haven (office 9277, 24-hour hotline 9333, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.).
