Dear Queenie,
I got divorced because my (ex-)husband cheated on me. It was terrible to find out what he was doing and the divorce was traumatic too.
My best friend helped me as best she could through it all and I couldn’t have gotten through it without her. The thing is, now she has fallen in love with a married man and they are having an affair.
She and her boyfriend are doing to his wife just what my ex did to me and I think it’s just disgusting, but when I try to talk to her about it she just won’t listen and it’s getting so I just can’t stand being around her, but I can’t bear to think of losing my best friend now too.
Queenie, what to do?—Divorced and friendless
Dear Divorced,
Apparently you need some new friends. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, keep busy and focus on what is good in life.
Take some classes and/or get involved in other outside activities, particularly some that involve helping other people, like volunteering at the hospital or joining a community service group.
And pray that your friend does not meet the kind of disaster you did, if/when her boyfriend’s wife finds out about their affair (if she has not done so already) and he dumps your friend instead of his wife in an attempt to save his marriage.
Dear Queenie,
I just found out that instead of leaving all their property to me and my sisters and brothers, my parents put it in their will that half of what they have is to go to certain charities.
Queenie, is this right? Shouldn’t parents leave what they have to their children?—Cheated son
Dear Cheated,
An attorney can explain to you just what rights of inheritance you have under local law, and surely the notary or attorney who drew up your parents’ will(s) explained it all to them, but beyond that your parents’ property is theirs to dispose of as they see fit and you have nothing to say in the matter.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law needs a lot of help. She doesn’t know how to drive so she needs someone to take her places and my father-in-law took care of yard work and paying bills and arranging repairs when something needed fixing and all like that, so since he died she needs someone to do all that for her.
She has 3 sons including my husband and they all live nearby, but somehow it’s always me they expect to help her out, as if I didn’t have enough to do caring for my own house and our children.
Queenie, is this fair?—Overworked
Dear Overworked,
Not if you are doing all the work of helping her out, but you should be prepared to pitch in part of the time, especially if you do not have a job outside the home.
In any case, your husband and his brothers (and their wives if they are married too) should work out some kind of arrangement for sharing the job of taking care of their mother.
Dear Queenie,
Recently my husband and I went out to dinner with another couple and all through the meal they complained about how expensive it was. Even the waitress could hear them. It’s not as if they couldn’t afford it. It was so embarrassing!
Queenie, should we say something to them about this or just not go out with them anymore?—Offended diner
Dear Offended,
It may be that this couple is not as well off as you think, or just more frugal than you are. Either way, there is nothing to be gained by talking to them about what happened, except to embarrass them.
In the future, choose a cheaper place to dine, or invite someone else to join you.
Dear Queenie,
Since I retired it seems my wife can’t stand to have me around. It’s not as if I hang around the house all day. I go out to run errands or just to hang out with friends, but I would like to be able to sleep late or watch daytime TV without her getting mad at me just for being there.
Queenie, what’s wrong with that?—In her way
Dear In,
For all of your working life your wife has had the house to herself during the day (assuming she was a stay-at-home Mom) or never had much, if any, alone-time at home if she had a job. Now that you are retired she has to make a huge adjustment.
It might help if you would pitch in with the housework now that you do not have to go out to work, instead of just lazing around while she still does all the work she has always had to do – and do not kid yourself: keeping house is just as hard work as holding down whatever kind of job you retired from. Give her a chance to retire too!
