Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going out for years with a middle-aged man who still lives with his parents. We have talked about getting married but he still hasn’t actually proposed.
Queenie, should I wait around until his parents are gone and hope then he will want to get married? That could be a long time, because they aren’t that old and are in very good health.—Getting impatient
Dear Impatient,
It is not likely that this man will want to get married until he can no longer depend on his parents, if then. And even then, are you certain you want to marry a man who has no experience of living on his own and probably will become as dependent on you as he now is on his parents? If so, by all means stick around. If not, stop thinking of him as husband material.
Dear Queenie,
I put on a lot of weight when I was pregnant, but recently I started exercising and watching my diet and I have lost most of it.
The problem is my husband. He never paid much attention to me, especially after I got fat, and now he is convinced that my losing all that weight means I must be having an affair. He also says I am stupid if I disagree with him about anything, even when I can prove that he is wrong about something.
Queenie, what’s wrong with him? Or is something wrong with me for putting up with him?—Angry wife
Dear Angry,
What’s wrong with him is that he feels insecure and takes it out on you. The only thing wrong with you is that you put up with this kind of abuse.
Professional counselling, especially if you can persuade him to go with you, will help you figure out whether your marriage can be patched up, if it even should be, and if not, how to go about ending it as amicably as possible.
Dear Queenie,
When you have a dishwashing machine is it still necessary to rinse off the dishes before loading them into the machine? I have seen some people do this and others put the things straight into the machine without rinsing.
Queenie, what is the right way?—Dishwashing Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is no right way or wrong way to do this. It all depends on the preference of the dishwasher’s owner(s) – and on how sticky-dirty the dishes are and how efficient the machine is.
Also, some people prefer to wash their more fragile items by hand for fear they will get knocked around by the machine’s water-jets.
If you are a guest in someone else’s home, ask the hosts what method they prefer.
Dear Queenie,
A woman we know lost her husband a couple of months ago and already she has started dating a man we know too who also lost his wife although much longer ago. We think this is disrespectful to her late husband’s memory.
Queenie, how long should a widow wait before she starts looking for another man? And shouldn’t her late husband’s friends be off-limits?—Mourning Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is no set time that I know of for a widow(er) to stay alone after the spouse’s death. It all depends on the individuals involved. It could even be that the deceased, before his death, told his wife he did not want her to stay alone too long and she is obeying his wishes.
As for the choice of new companion, as long as both are unattached I see nothing scandalous about the new arrangement. In fact, shared memories of their lost loved ones could be a very real comfort to both of them.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter doesn’t wash her hand properly after she goes to the bathroom, she just rinses them of a little under the faucet.
Queenie, how can I convince her that this isn’t healthy?—Worried Mom
Dear Worried,
I agree that your daughter should do a better job of cleaning her hands after using the toilet, but unless you stand over her while she is washing up (and I get the impression that she is too old for that kind of treatment) all you can do is tell her and tell her and tell her, and that kind of haranguing probably will fall on deaf ears.
Perhaps a word from her physician might help. But other than that all you can do is pray she stays healthy – and try to resist saying “I told you so” if she does not.
