Dear Queenie,

My husband and I always talked about having children. He always said we should have them right away because he is so much older than I am. But I had some problems getting pregnant and now he says he has changed his mind and doesn’t want children after all.

When I got upset about this he said he would be dead soon enough and then I could find someone younger and have children with him.

Queenie, what do you make of this? Was he lying to me all along?—Childless in SXM

Dear Childless,

It could be that he was lying to you about having children, and if that is the case you have some serious thinking to do. Counselling might help you sort out your (and his) feelings on the subject.

However, I have to wonder what he meant about being “dead soon enough.” Does he have some medical problem that he has not told you about? This is something that needs to be sorted out before you even consider getting pregnant, lest you find yourself coping with an invalid husband and an infant at the same time.

Dear Queenie,

My girlfriend and I have been together for several years and we’re talking about getting married, but it bothers me that she wants an expensive engagement ring.

In the first place, I can hardly afford such an expensive ring. Also, it seems to me like I would be paying her to marry me unless she gets me a gift of equal value.

Queenie, what do you think about all this?—Ambivalent

Dear Ambivalent,

I think you should buy a ring you can afford and propose to your girlfriend. If she refuses to marry you because the ring is too small, you may be better off looking for someone who places more value on your feelings for her than on the size of her engagement ring.

Dear Queenie,

I just found out that my fiancé made a baby with another woman before we met. The way I found out was that she came knocking at our door demanding to see him.

Now she comes around whenever she feels like it and is very rude to me, and I found out she has been bad-mouthing me behind my back too.

Queenie, what should I do? Should I stick with him?—Harassed

Dear Harassed,

Why does this woman keep coming around? Is it just to harass you, or is it because your fiancé is not paying child support?

If it is the former, there are ways to deal with such a situation. A lawyer can advise you about your legal options.

However, if it is the latter, your fiancé should man up and pay her what is owed, and you will have to face the fact that this child (and to some extent the baby’s mother) will always be a part of his life. And if he does not pay up, you should think carefully about marrying a man who refuses to meet his obligations.

Dear Queenie,

I am a married professional woman that never had children for several very good personal reasons. My husband has no problem with this, but other people I meet are always asking me about my children and when I say I don’t have any they want to know why and sometimes they even start getting on about how much I am missing and I shouldn’t wait until I am too old, etc., etc.

Queenie, how do I answer them without being rude?—Offended

Dear Offended,

It depends on just how polite you want to be. Of course, you do not want to be rude to people you meet in the course of your work, but social contacts could be another matter.

Your response could range from “I have a medical condition” to “Ít’s a personal matter that I prefer not to discuss” to “What business is it of yours?”