Dear Queenie,
I’m still living with my parents until I can find a job. I have my own room and most of my family respect my privacy and if my door is closed they knock or call out and wait for me to answer before they come in, but my mother just barges in whenever she feels like it, even if the door is closed, even the bathroom door.
I’ve tried to talk to her about it but then she accuses me of hiding the fact that I’m doing something I shouldn’t, which is not true. I could just be taking a shower or changing my clothes, or talking on the phone.
Queenie, how can I get through to her?—No privacy
Dear No privacy,
Your mother treated you this way when you were a child and cannot get it through her head that you have grown up. Ask your father to talk to her about this and hope he can get the message across.
Also, ask his permission (it is his house, after all) to install a lock on your door, even just a hook-and-eye on the inside, use it when necessary, and if (when) your mother complains, tell her she has been locked out because of her bad manners.
Then find some kind of job quickly so you can move out – and when you do, do not give your parents keys to your new home. But do give keys to someone you can trust to respect your privacy, in case of emergency.
Dear Queenie,
I have been seeing this man for more than a year but he doesn’t really seem to care about me.
He used to call and come by quite often but after a while not so much. He never wants to do things that I like, he always comes to my house but never takes me to his, and he only wants to see me at night and I have never met any of his family.
Queenie, is there any hope for this relationship?—Feel neglected
Dear Neglected,
What relationship? A “relationship” is a matter of give and take on both sides, but all this man does is take and all you do is give.
Whatever feelings you may have for this man, he apparently only wants what he can get from you and does not care about what you may want or need from him.
Put this man out of your life and find someone else who shares your feelings.
Dear Queenie,
I married my girlfriend when she got pregnant so the baby would have a proper family to grow up in and things were just great at first, but since then she’s had 2 more babies and now she’s pregnant again and I just don’t see how we can afford it.
We’re still young and there should be more to life than working and taking care of babies, but she’s supposed to be on the pill and yet she keeps getting pregnant again.
Queenie, how can I get her to be more careful?—Worn out
Dear Worn out,
Just why do you put all the responsibility for birth control on your wife?
It takes two to make a baby. If you do not want to have any more children, it is up to you to take charge of the birth control question and make certain that you do not get your wife pregnant. If by now you still do not know how to do this, have a serious talk with your family physician.
Dear Queenie,
When someone says something my wife doesn’t agree with she doesn’t listen to them or argue with them, she just starts talking about something else. Once when they kept on talking about what she didn’t want to hear she actually put her hands over her ears and walked away.
Queenie, how do you deal with someone like that?—Stumped
Dear Stumped,
Your wife sounds rather childish. Covering the ears and going “la la la la la” is what kindergarten children do.
When she does it to you, just say “Yes, dear,” change the subject and go ahead and do whatever it was she did not want to hear about. If she complains later, remind her that you tried to talk to her about it and she refused to listen. Hopefully, she eventually will get the message – hopefully!
Dear Queenie,
My elderly parents still live in their own home. They are not as strong as they used to be and as they are getting older there are also certain medical issues to consider, but they refuse ever to ask for help when they need it.
They won’t even call me, let alone an ambulance, if one of them falls down, for example, even though it may not be simply a fall but maybe a heart attack or a stroke or the person broke a bone when they fell or something like that.
Queenie, how can I get them to call for help when they need it?—Worried son
Dear Worried son,
If your parents are accustomed to taking care of themselves they probably are reluctant to give up their independence.
St. Rose Hospital or the Women’s Desk should be able to put you in touch with the White and Yellow Cross Foundation and whatever other relevant services for the elderly, such as the visiting nurse, that could help you out with this problem.
Especially the visiting nurse service might be a good idea, as the nurse could check up on your parents every day and once they go to know the person(s) involved your parents might be less reluctant to call on them for help.
