Dear Queenie,
My wife and I both have outside jobs and we don’t get home at the same time, and our kids always have lots of homework. About the only time the whole family has together is at the dinner table, but if I have to work late or get caught in traffic they sit down to eat without me and I end up eating alone.
I have asked my wife to hold dinner until I get home, but she just won’t do it.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Lonely diner
Dear Lonely,
I suggest you make a greater effort to get home in time to eat with your family. It is not fair to expect them to go hungry waiting for you to get home to eat with them, or to eat food that got cold or even spoiled because you were not there when it was ready to eat.
And when you cannot get home in time for dinner, try to schedule some other “family time.”
Dear Queenie,
Some people I know keep sending me stupid political or religious e-mails that are full of errors and even outright lies, things I know are not true and can prove it from reliable reference sources.
I tried to show them the truth but they just said they still believed the lies.
Queenie, how do I get them to stop wasting my time with this rubbish?—Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
Stop wasting your time trying to explain to these ignorant people the error of their beliefs. They are not interesting in anything but what they already believe.
Just delete the e-mails without even opening them.
Dear Queenie,
There is one person in a group of us that get together every so often who can’t keep their mouth shut, and most of their talking is bragging about themself and not very interesting to the rest of us.
We can’t just leave this person out because it is the spouse of one of our best friends, but it is really too much.
Queenie, how do you get someone like that to shut up?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
I cannot think of a gentle or polite way to shut a blabbermouth up.
You could ask the person’s “better half” to have a talk with him (or her) and ask her/him to limit the babble so others have a chance to talk.
Or you could appoint a “moderator” at your get-togethers and the moderator could quietly set a time limit on any one person’s turn to hold the floor. When the time is up, the moderator interrupts if necessary and tells the speaker it is now someone else’s turn. And if someone interrupts a speaker, the moderator tells the interrupter to wait his/her turn to speak. But this is a rather formal way to handle what is probably an informal gathering.
Dear Queenie,
My father died a few years ago and my mother insists on having a family get-together every year on his birthday to remember him. I don’t think an event that turns into a big party is a respectful way to honour the dead, but if I stay away it will seem as if I don’t care.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Still miss my Dad
Dear Miss my Dad,
Think of the event as a celebration of the fact that your father lived and made your mother happy, and try to enjoy it for her sake. You can mourn for him in private on your own time.
Dear Queenie,
Our son, who is 21 and in college, is dating a girl who is only 16 and still in high school and we think they are having sex.
Her parents seem to be okay with all this, but they all think we don’t like her. It’s not that we don’t like her, it’s just that we think she is too young for him and he could get in trouble, especially if she gets pregnant.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Worried parents
Dear Worried,
I have to wonder why a young man your son’s age is so interested in a girl so much younger unless it is that fact that she is willing to have sex with him. However, there is not much you can do about it, as the more you object, the more they will rebel against you.
If there is some other adult your son respects, perhaps that person can have a long talk with him and warn him about the possible trouble could be getting himself into. Other than that, you may have to let him learn his lesson the hard way – or (pray for it!) things may turn out all right in the long run.
