Dear Queenie,

I like to hold informal family get-togethers like barbecues and I always used to invite both my family and my husband’s, but my family always makes some excuse and never attends, so I have stopped inviting them.

Now they get mifted if they hear about an occasion that I didn’t invite them to, even though I know they wouldn’t have come.

Queenie, I’m just sick of having my invitations rejected.—Offended hostess

Dear Offended,

I would not blame you if you stopped inviting these ingrates, but they are family, so a little patience is called for.

Continue to invite them but take it for granted that they will not attend and do not let it bother you.

And if you should want to regale them afterward with what a wonderful time everyone had who attended, I would not blame you for rubbing their noses in what they had missed.

Dear Queenie,

A friend of mine is getting married and invited me to be in her wedding party.

The thing is, the man she is marrying is a total jerk. He has no education and bad manners, he can’t hold a job and he takes out his troubles on her – he says whatever goes wrong is her fault and never because of anything he has done or not done or done wrong.

Queenie, how do I refuse her invitation without spoiling our friendship?—Disapproving friend

Dear Disapproving,

I am not sure you can have it both ways. You could try telling her you have a prior commitment that you simply cannot get out of, but your friend may well see through that excuse.

On the other hand, if you tell her what you have told me your friend probably will resent your “judgmental attitude” and the righter you are, the more she will resent it.

You might want to consider being there for her on her wedding day and praying that you are wrong about her fiancé.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend has no sense of style. His clothes aren’t ragged or worn out, but they’re totally out-of-date and never were particularly stylish and often the colours just don’t go together.

Queenie, how can I get my boyfriend to dress better?—Fashionable lady

Dear Fashionable,

Are your boyfriend’s clothes inappropriate for the occasions to which he wears them, or is it just that they do not meet your standards of “fashionableness”?

You can go shopping with him and point out items that you believe are more stylish, you can even give him gifts of clothing that meets your standards, but in the end you will have to either accept his preferences or start looking for a more fashionable boyfriend.

Dear Queenie,

My father was an abusive alcoholic and our childhood was just terrible. Most of us have managed to forgive him, but one brother and one sister still don’t want anything to do with him.

Dad is getting old and senile and probably won’t live much longer.

Queenie, how can we get those two to forgive him and come visit him occasionally before it’s too late?—Grown-up sister

Dear Sister,

You probably cannot. Some people are capable of forgiving an abuser and some find it better to just cut him (or her) out of their lives – even if they manage to find forgiveness in their hearts. Let your siblings deal with their unhappy memories in whatever way they find best.