Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been married for more than 20 years and lately she gets mad – I mean just furious – over the least little thing and then she won’t talk to anybody and if you try to talk to her she gets madder and even walks out of the house to get away from you.
I tried marriage counselling but she blamed everyone else for making her mad and then got mad at the counsellor when he started asking her questions.
I have stayed with her for the kids’ sake but I can’t take much more of this.
Queenie, what should I do?—Harassed husband
Dear Harassed,
Encourage your wife to go to the family doctor, or better yet a gynaecologist, for a complete check-up. If you have been married for more than 20 years it is quite possible that your wife is going through menopause and is suffering from hormone imbalances that are causing violent emotional swings.
And while we are on the subject of marital counselling, let me inform my readers that I have been told that in addition to the references I have given previously, the Mental Health Foundation also offers marriage counselling. However, unfortunately I do not have contact information for them.
Dear Queenie,
My unmarried daughter has a wonderful son who does well in school and has lots of friends.
The problem is that every time she gets a new boyfriend she tries to make him her son’s daddy and the fact is that she has terrible taste in men. They are rude and mean and usually uneducated and they think that because our grandson is smart and polite he is girlish and the way to teach him to be a man is to be rough with him, sometimes even abusive.
Queenie, how can I protect my grandson?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Try to make your daughter understand that it is very bad for her son to constantly be introduced to new daddies, especially the abusive sort.
And if you cannot get this point across to her, make it clear that you will report her boyfriend (and possibly her) to the police and the Court of Guardianship if you suspect your grandson is being abused.
Dear Queenie,
I was in a relationship with a guy for a couple of years and then we broke up when he moved away.
After a while I met and fell in love with someone else who is just perfect for me and he says he loves me too and we are planning to get married.
Now the first guy has come home and he is together with a new girlfriend. All the time we were together he never told me he loved me but I have heard him say it to the new girl and I can’t help remembering he never said it to me.
Queenie, why are men so cruel?—Devastated
Dear Devastated,
Why do you consider the first guy cruel? He never fell in love with you, the relationship ended and now he has fallen in love with someone who is not you. That is how life goes.
Meanwhile, you have fallen in love with someone who is not him. Stop wasting time and energy obsessing about a relationship that did not work out. Count yourself lucky that you have found a new man who is right for you and put your time and energy into making sure that things work out right with him.
Dear Queenie,
When my father died a relative I hadn’t seen in years came to the funeral and started scolding me for being a horrible son, talking about things that happened years ago that my father and I had settled between us long since and weren’t any of their business anyway.
Queenie, why do people do such hurtful things?—Grieving son
Dear Grieving son,
Some people have no sense of decorum or respect for others. The best thing to do is not let them upset you and ignore them with dignity. All they accomplish is to make themselves look bad.
Dear Queenie,
All the people where I work have totally different jobs. I have a difficult job and when I have finished my work I take a break, go online or go out for a walk or a snack.
When I do this one of the others makes nasty remarks about me goofing off. It’s not as if I could help that person with their work because I don’t know anything about their job.
Queenie, how do I deal with this person?—Hard-working employee
Dear Employee,
As long as your boss is satisfied with your work, what you do is none of this person’s business. You could tell him or her that, or you could try to “make nice” by offering to bring him/her cup of coffee or a snack when you go out. Other than that, just ignore the person entirely.
