Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a woman whose husband died about 10 years ago, long before we met. Her adult children hate me because they say their mother is being unfaithful to their father’s memory.
Queenie, do they expect her to stay alone for the rest of her life?—Widow’s boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
This kind of reaction is not uncommon. These people need to be reminded – by their clergyperson, if possible and relevant – that marriage vows are “until death do us part.” When one spouse dies, the commitment ends.
Just for the record, statistics show that widow(er)s who have had happy marriages are most likely to (eventually) find new life partners. In that sense, their mother’s relationship with you is a tribute to their father rather than an offence against him.
Dear Queenie,
I‘ve been dating this guy for about 6 months. I’m not seeing anyone else and I don’t think he is either but I notice that his relationship status on Facebook is still “single.” Mine is too, but I’ve been thinking about changing it.
Queenie, how long should I wait before I ask him about this?—Just wondering
Dear Wondering,
I suggest you have a – casual – talk with your boyfriend about this. Maybe he just forgot to change his status, or maybe he is not ready for the commitment you seem to want. Once you talk it over you will know what to expect from him, and what you want to do about it.
Dear Queenie,
My parents have always been careful about money, but now that my Dad has retired he has gotten downright stingy. He complains all the time about the cost of everything, even in public places. It’s embarrassing.
Queenie, how can I get him to lighten up?—Scrooge’s son
Dear Son,
Is it possible that your parents, now that Dad has retired, have less money to live on than they did before and, what with inflation, than they had expected to have in retirement?
If you can afford it, perhaps you could offer to help out, or even take over some of their expenses like utility bills. And if you cannot afford to do so, at least make certain that you do not cost them money they cannot afford; for example like taking them shopping in expensive stores or out to dinner at expensive restaurants and expecting them to pay their own way.
And learn from their example – start saving now for your own retirement.
Dear Queenie,
The other day when I came out of the supermarket and got in my car my cell phone rang and I answered it and sat there talking because I never talk on the phone while I’m driving. There was another car looking for a parking place and after a while the driver started honking at me to get moving so he could have my spot.
Queenie, should I have stopped talking and moved on?—Yakkety yak
Dear Yakkety,
No. For all that other driver knew, you were waiting for someone else who was still inside the supermarket. Whatever the case, the spot was yours to use for as long as you wanted to. And I commend you for not phoning while you are driving. That kind of distraction can be as dangerous as driving drunk.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a single woman living alone in a house in a nice neighbourhood. Sometimes a workman or other stranger will ask me if I live alone.
Queenie, how do I answer a question like that?—Spinster
Dear Spinster,
It used to be safe to tell the truth in such cases, just as it used not to be necessary to keep your doors closed and locked all the time, but times have changed. Nowadays, it would be better to lie, to tell the questioner you live with a boyfriend or male relative.
Better yet, it would be a good idea to have a dog (or more than one dog) – preferably large and aggressive-looking – in the house or roaming your yard and point it/them out to your interrogator.
